Monday, February 27, 2006

Single

Pundung…so pundung
I want to rant, I want to talk nonsense, write whining posts, but I guess, it will make me more pundung……. So instead, I try to avoid that and write something light while trying to peel my hand.
After sunburn, things get nasty. My head is peeling, my hand is peeling. When I went to Bali in 2002, I did the traditional hairstyle ala half Jamaican by embok2, so my head was exposed like farm, there were rows and column, and I had fun like there was no tomorrow.
Rode motorcycle for hours with short pants, have you ever heard about well done knee? And went sea dipping in the middle of the day, by only jumping up and down near the shore or ran to the middle of the ocean and tried to ride the bogey boy how to spell that flat2 thing, more like surf board for novice? :)
Anyway, I had my worst sunburn that time, and a week after, my scalp was peeling like a perfect shrimp. Big big piece. Eeww….but cool mhaha.. so what I had during weekend was something like that, now something similar is happening to my upper palm too.
Busy busy busy, corn flakes for breakfast anyone?

I was single on Saturday.

Didn’t feel like going home so I took a walk by myself. No, no domestic problem, Hubby needed to accompany his relatives so I decided to take a stroll by myself; I’m not good in socializing anyway.

And apparently, I couldn’t get used to it anymore. It was a lonely shopping trip, uhuk sniff sniff slurprut, I thought I had spent great deal of time, when I looked at the watch, only few minutes. Wanted to catch a movie, thinking of watching The Constant Gardener or Brokeback Mountain or Munich.
The Constant Gardener sounds good and it has Ralph Fiennes in it, wink wink, Brokeback may not be something on my taste but it has good review, so I thought I could give it a try, Munich sounds dark and mysterious but I wouldn’t see depressing movie alone. Man, that would be more depressing.

So I went to mall #1, the cinema didn’t have any of that, they have Pink Panther, pfft, what Wolf Creek (Never heard but now I think it could be good?) or, Rumour Has It, some local and Chinese movies, The Fog and can’t remember titles.

So I went to mall #2, on the entrance, the trailer of The Constant Gardener was playing. I approached the ticket auntie.

“Miss (I always call aunties Miss, otherwise they would frown, and by calling them Miss, they call me Siaw Mei Mei, mhehehhehe, tit for tat), can I buy the ticket for that movie?”

“Whoa, we don’t have it here. You have to try in the theatre near the town.”

She was very helpful and friendly, she gave me information about the far away theatre (I was in town in the morning, so I wouldn’t get back there only to catch a movie (by my own :”( ).

“Uh, what about Brokeback Mountain?”

“That one don’t have alsooo. Hayah…my friend said it’s soo boring.”

“Hah? Boring mehh? I heard it was good.”

“Boring. Boring. Really.” She nodded like doggie on the dashboard.

So I thanked her, walked around and saw Rumour Has It poster. I don’t really like watching ‘common’ drama in the cinema. Waste money. He… With my current developed and twisted ‘mature’ mind, I can predict the plot of dramas too good that I hardly can enjoy or have expressions except flat face along the way. I watched Without A Trace few minutes and most I could perfectly tell the rest of the plot, including the twists, let alone romantic dramas, it’s all so typical.

So I tried again to Mall #3, and the options are still the same. I was furious, I needed to kill time and the only fast option was cinema. I tried shopping, but seems like my shopping sense was closed for that day. I went to Timezone and watched people play but it was too crowded. Okay, finally I decided to watch Rumour Has It, something light would do.
I bought the ticket.

“How many?”

“One.”

“Hah? One Only?” She made it capitalized as if it’s a story title.
After I held the ticket, I started to doubt my decision, I realized it was quite weird here to watch movie alone. Everyone was either in groups or couple. And the *tut* thing, it was Saturday night and I was going to watch romantic drama! Alone, wearing a wedding ring.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I waited and waited, bought jumbo sausage, sat in the bar seat, watched video clip or waited in the lounge for the cinema seating sign. There were a few people standing alone, but one by one met someone by appointment. Huh. When my theatre was finally opened, I stormed in and found myself alone in the cinema. Hiii…I remembered my high school friend’s story about flying head in front of the screen, and the freshest one, first hand from my college, about the faceless cinemagoers he met. So I called Hubby and talked until other customers walked in. Phew.
I sat next to aisle and five seats next to me were empty (I thought I could camouflage my solitary). Huh. And the lights were damn bright. He…Just over sensitive that someone would comment about me alone. Usually I was the one who like to make up story.
Like when I see a couple with black faces. They must have been fighting. Or no flower, no diamond, no smile. Punching one another. Cheap mascara. Or eye bag. Or they forget to lift the tea bag.
Guy who walks uncomfortably with his girlfriend. He wears jeans and shirt, while girl wears gown with Pretty Woman’s boot and cowbell size pendant. Different perception of dating and character. Blind date. Wrong address. Operation payback.
Or the guy must have choked himself when they met.

Woman with three children running and screaming in the train while no husband to be seen. Bad husband, ignorant, cruel, ugly… Miscontraception.

Bla bla bla.

I know I shouldn’t be oversensitive, so I just sat there munching my jumbo sausage.

___________________________________________________________________________________

When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of this mess I am in now he thought for a long time and said, 'Yes, death would help'.
- Robert Morley.

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience.
- Merv Stockwood.

A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.
- Ambrose Bierce

I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.
- Freddie Starr.


I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
- Steven Wright

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Woody Allen

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
- Johnny Carson

In the end, everything is a gag.
- Charlie Chaplin

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Lagi Kumat

Lagi kumat.

Bule-bule, atau Mat Soleh, emang jenis makhluk yang unik.
Pertama kali berurusan betulan ama jenis yang satu ini, adalah jenis Kroasia. Memang cuman didasarin sama satu sample, tapi waktu itu kesannya tuh orang agak sombong en agak pelit hahaha…
Ketemu lagi jenis-jenis baru di Bali, yang lumayan cakep2, yang keliaran dengan rambut gimbal, gak pake baju, nenteng2 surfboard atau naek motor. Jenis2 yang ini ramah, gue kaget pas ditegur sambil jalan, dan mereka jenis yang happy sekali, dengan muka kecoklatan dan bercetak singlet.
Atau orang Jerman, ini juga kasus khusus yang merasa terlalu tinggi untuk berbaur dengan orang Asia dan cuman kacak pinggang disudut, berharap didewa2in. Gih sono.
Muncul satu pendeta bule berbahasa Jawa, logatnya bagus bener lebih bagus dari bahasa Indo yang pelo di gue-gue. Udah itu dia menguasai segala sleng yang gak awam.
Ketemu di Melborne, adalah jenis favorit gue, pas lagi jaman2nya Bali dibomb dan ngeri dirasis-tin, ternyata mereka ramah dan baik banget. Terutama ibu2 yang ada di toko hotdog di pinggir jalan out of nowhere, jadi mengingatkan sama ibu2 gendut Lima Sekawan yang punya banyak makanan, dan rumah makannya amat sangat homy dan kentang gorengnya gendut-gendut.
Pas bego2nya mesen Subway, yang keriting dan njelimet, mereka nungguin dengan sabar, padahal kita udah panic kebiasaan tinggal di Sgp yang dibentak2.
Pas bengong dengan muka tolol ngeliatin map, tanpa dibantu mereka nyamperin dan nawarin bantuan. Sumpah, biarpun, ngerti kagak ngerti, kita manggut2 dan merasa berterima kasih banget.
Dan kadang2 gue sirik sama gaya hidup mereka, yang goler2an dirumput pake jas sambil baca novel dan makan siang.
Dan bule ganteng botak yang suruh kita diam2 aja pas kita bilang kita belom lunasin valet parking, padahal dianya recepsionis hotel.
Atau yang cerita tentang liburan dia di Bali dengan seru banget pas tau kita dari Indo.
Atau yang suka loncat dari jembatan highway di Goldcoast ke sungai gede buat fun. Tinggi gile, nyesel deh gak ikutan.
Sama yang ngasih sekantung makanan kangaroo gratis pas di zoo, bukan buat gue, buat kangaroo lho.
Atau bule2 yang tinggal di hutan2 peloksok Kalimantan Tengah, buat meneliti orang-orang utan.
Atau yang sekali liburan enam bulan, setengah taon kerja, setengah taon backpacking.
Sama yang pake dasi dengan gambar babi2an lagi posisi jorok pas big boss suruh pake dasi di kantor.
Atau teman yang bela2in ngunjungin Jakarta buat menengok temannya yang kehilangan kontak karena bangkrut, yang cerita dengan antusias soal novel Indo Saman, yang mana adalah kakek2 yang menulis dan menggambar sketsa perjalanan hidupnya.(Bagus lho!)

Whoa, kok gue jadi ngomongin bule, cuah cuih, cuman mau komentar kalo pengen juga bisa sebebas semerdeka begitu. Kata orang gue lagi pundung, mungkin PMS, mungkin cuman selon doang. Pengennya marah-marah melulu, dan kebetulan gue inget satu hal yang suka bikin gue sebel, adalah sopan santun orang Asia umumnya…
Namanya juga ngalor ngidul, istilahnya TCSS kalo disini, Talk Cock(?) Sing song..

Bukannya apa-apa, sopan santun tuh bagus, tapi jangan yang jenis terlalu makan hati. Kenapa-kenapa bilang gak apa-apa. Gak boleh ini itu, karena gak enak hati bilangnya boleh.
Demi tata karma.
Lhaaa… kalo emang keberatan bilang keberatan, daripada disimpan-simpan jadi panjang urusannya. Kalo emang kalo gak mau dipinjamin ini itu ya disimpan/kunci aja sekalian, jangan gak enak hati disimpan takut dikira gak kasih pinjam. Lhaaa…emang gak pengen pinjemin.
Giliran ditanya pasti ngomongnya B..b..b…b…..boleh koooook, eh, dibelakang ngedumel. Mendingan langsung semprot, “Gak boleh! Jidat loe!” Kan enak, jujur, kalo emang didendamin ya udah, lama2 orang lain juga ngerti karakter masing2. Misalnya, Eh, si itu orangnya rese. Gara2 jujur. Biarin.
Gue tahu emang susah nangkep maksud gue tanpa contoh abstrak, habis gue males soalnya contoh bakal melibatkan orang2 tertentu.
Dooooh… pokoknya basa-basi Asia itu ya…boneng boneng bikin gue gak habis pikir…
Sejauh ini sih gue udah berusaha jadi pelopor generasi rebellious di keluarga. Kagak ada yang namanya basa basi, ketawa tanpa maksud yang artinya semata2 buat sopan santun tapi niatannya sebaliknya.

Gitu deh.

Namanya juga kumat.

___________________________________________________________________________________

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
- Steven Wright

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
- Groucho Marx

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
- Tommy Cooper

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
- WC Fields.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."
- Stephen King.

Monday, February 20, 2006

My Chili Crab Weekend

Today, I look like chili crab.
I had my worst sunburn yesterday, not tan, but burn, my face, upper palm and leg have this ‘delicious’ very red color, it hurts when toweled. (Is towel a verb?)
That’s because I spent five hours between ten to three, the worst type of sunshine of a day, in swimming pool on the hottest day. My friend’s car thermo showed it’s 36 degrees. It beats my one-week diving holiday or my any other rock climbing under the sun day.
We needed to take the pool class to pass our next certification, instead of two sessions after working hour, we decided to wrap it all in one Sunday. Instead of wearing full wetsuit, we used a vest/rash guard and short/ bicycle pant. Because we were playing with water, we didn’t feel much of the heat, until I heard my own scream of horror in the changing room, when I saw the line on my leg. I’m going to wear ‘built-in’ short, have different type of palm and head for few weeks, months, or maybe unknown period of time.
I love golden tan after holiday, but chili crab burnt after one day in swimming pool, doesn’t sound cool at all.

We had a tiring Saturday trying to fix household thing up. Things haven’t been going well this few months.
My electric cable on bathroom switch was disconnected, therefore I had a few shocks every time I turned on/off the light. Few shocks (not because I was stubbornly stupid) because I hit once, second I had to make sure, third I had to reconstruct the event, forth to test it when it had been repaired, first repair failed, and fifth to test it again. After it had been fixed, the damn thing disconnected again after few weeks. Now it’s set.
My bedroom light made a small explosion, the ^%&#^%# previous owner installed a herd of lamp (five lamps!) in one fitting, so we had to test up the point one by one to find out which one was failed. Bloody tedious! Now it’s set.
My bathroom light, off just like that, so we changed the bulb, and it was ok. Few weeks later, it’s off again, we changed bulb, it was oke for few hours, only. We haven’t fixed this one yet.
My storeroom light, again, off. Seems like the previous owner invented the light by himself, we couldn’t find the matching light bulb with the existing one.

Forget about bloody lights, we had another bigger problem. Our aircon had a leak. It leaked to the next-door bedroom, the one my parents use when they are here. So these few days, there was a pool of water in the floor every morning. We called the aircon guy, other than servicing the aircons, he refused to tackle the problem; he said we needed an interior expert (with special equipment) to cut a hole in the cupboard (it’s a built-in cupboard) before he could fix the pipe. We gave him the authority to whack the cupboard, he still refused, said we need another appointment, because it would take half a day which he didn’t have. Doh!

After he left, Hubby used cutter, in less than fifteen minutes he opened the hole in the cupboard. And that guy &(*%%($(^** gave us the wrong opening point. We decided to give it a try before we hacked another part of cupboard. Next day, no leaking at all. It might be just the clogged aircon pipe which was alright after servicing. Lucky we never called ‘cupboard expert’ guy and the aircon guy again and pay useless bucks.

So that was my chili crab weekend. Hope you have a nice and hot one too. :)

P.S: Is it only me? Everytime I hear Alicia Key's song My Beau, it sounds like my boob...

___________________________________________________________________________________

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
- Steven Wright

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy -- and I keep it in a jar on my desk.
- Stephen King

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
- Gene Perret

A poet that reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
- Unknown

I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the Universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
- Woody Allen

Thursday, February 16, 2006

This Is Mine

Why we have changes in life? It’s true that changes sometimes come in good package, promotion, new friends etc etc. Good thing happens, so do bad ones.

The more I have to scroll to find my birth year when I register for something online, the more I respect older people. Those I saw on the street, who ties card box together and put it above their humpback, those who pose happily in the middle of their family picture, those Mom and Dad with children around them, those who cry in hospital corridor, who laugh holding their newborn, those who walk around telling stories about their life to anyone who has time to hear and those..those..

I think, shit, what they might have been going through. They have seen birth, death, accident, war, disease, sorrow, sadness, failure, pressure, poverty, insanity, they have meet nice people, arrogant, jerks, they have scars, they might have been waiting in anxiety for their children to come home safely, they might have attended countless funerals, they might have seen the glow of love in their children eyes, or being shun by them, they take care of them, watch them grow up, watch them go, some even lost them in war, violence, disease.

What can I have except respect for them to be able to survive all the heartaches… aren’t they are very strong, super human? I really think so.

While I’m here whining about weather and friends leaving company.
It’s so simple, everytime someone left, I’d feel sad. I’ll be okay after few days, but can’t help judging myself whether I’m made to survive the real harsher outside life.
Since I realize that human being could die, since I saw my grandpa passed away, everything has been traumatic. I afraid that I might treat my family badly, that I haven’t showed enough, do enough and tell enough, can’t help thinking that they are also fragile human being.

It drives me crazy.

Sars period in Singapore taught me something. We are that fragile, we are all statistic. Life is too damn unpredictable. Everybody was afraid and vulnerable. I prohibited my parents to attend my registry of marriage and asked them to stay away during that period. I didn’t want fifteen minutes registry risked their life. But when they insisted and showed up, I realized how cruel I was to even suggest the option, sars was the last thing they worried about rather than me not having them by my side during my new life. Sars might be only a little life factor to them along their years of life. They might vulnerable to it, but they wouldn’t let it spoilt their chance to do what they want, to do something important and nice. While for me, I was worried sick with the nasty killer. My mind was fixed with numbers on television, victims, risks. It made me forget to enjoy life at that moment but remind me in hard way to really enjoy life.

After that, I never really care about numbers I have in my bank passbook, I might not able to see it tomorrow, we never know. So if I want to skydive, I’ll skydive, if I want to dive, I’ll dive, if I want ride the mechanical bull, I’ll ride.
I might have courage to do it all, but I’m weak about the simplest thing one should master, I’m still gathering the gut to express my love and honesty to reply to those I have received especially unconditioned love from my parents.

One harsh reminder of my weakness:
If I don’t post this today, I might delete it tomorrow.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
- R.D. Laing

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
- Bill Cosby

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
- Adrienne Gusoff.

Don't come to me when I cry.
Leave me and my tears will dry.
Come to me I'd feel relieved and loved,
but I'll cry more
because I'm sorry I make you sad too

- me

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Afternoon Time

This was meant to be posted yesterday, but I forgot where was my work cubicle

In the afternoon, if I’m nowhere to be seen, that means I sneak out from office. Seems like I always talk about being bored at work, sleepy etc as if my work is so free and boring. Actually, not really, it’s just sometime I have to leave my computer alone. It doesn’t fancy looking at me all day, so I have to give it some space and personal time.

There is a mall under the office tower, it’s a very quiet mall. Retailers come and go, but it’s not bad for passing time, especially when a bookstore happens to survive. Just now, it was quite happening. Guys and girls were crowding in the gift shop, in front of Valentine Card display, flower or soft toy. Last minute nih yeee…
There were two teenager students trying to buy gifts for their girlfriends or girlfriend-to-be.
“Waduh, this ugly thing costs 8 dollar. Don’t want lahhhh, not worth it. To think that I’ll need to starve for few days…”
“You see?” Another was holding a tiny pink paper bag, “This costs two dollars. Such a meaningless thing. But what to doooo, that fits my budget.”
Poor school boys. Society pressure. And they might not get the girl. Doooh.

Saw a middle age uncle, he was posing in front of mirror with a necklace and big purple pendant attached to it. One glance was enough to confirm that it’s ugly. Even the sales person tried to tell him.
“Uncle….sure or noooot…??”
The uncle insisted.
I wanted to stay longer to know whether he’d buy it, but it would be too obvious.

I visited the bookstore to browse the books they have there to pass time, not to buy. But I was too tempted because I found a very cute book, warning…advertisement…it’s a picture book by Bradley Trevor Greive. Small size, almost unnoticed, come with different colors and titles; Blue day book, The Truth about Motherhood and The Truth About Love. Every page consists of a picture and one or two sentences, cute animals pictures, not cute like cute puppies all over the book. Mind you, cute means ugly but adorable, so cute animal picture significant with the content of the sentences. Good and I guarantee it will make everyone smile. If you find that you are not smiling after half a book, I suggest that you cut the rest of your nerves too. Each book can be finished in few minutes, so psst, you can read them without buying, but it makes a nice gift.

Argh…I have one very pink top, I had avoided it for quite sometime because I didn’t want to be associated with Chinese New Year fashion trend group. Since Cap Goh Meh had just passed by, I thought it’s safe to wear it today, and I forgooooot that today is Valentine…Dooooooooooooh.

____________________________________________________________________________________

I would rather serve with a polygamist who doesn't polyg than with a monogamist who doesn't monog.
- Unidentified Senator

Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.
- Mignon McLaughlin

How do I work? I grope.
- Albert Einstein

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
- Jerry Seinfeld.

You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.
- Eddie Izzard

Monday, February 13, 2006

Valentine Day

Reading something I’ve written down makes me smirk at times. Idiiih norak, masa seh, wuaduuh,… but I remember that it’s a honest feeling that pushes so hard to make me writing it down in such a way while other times I try to hide or I don’t really know.
In Secondary High School, we went for a retreat, and after one night, I don’t know how, they pushed us to acknowledge parent’s love and to say it to them through a letter. Then they sent it directly to the parents instead of relying on us to give it to them. When I went back home, I read the letter and I know I would never be able to write something like that and actually give it to them, I’m so glad that they did it that way, I’m not really good in expressing my feelings, at all.

Valentine! Is just a day away…. People either hate it or love it. Me? Huh…I stand in the middle, I don’t even know why the heck people do what they do in Valentine.
Flower? Chocolate? Movie? Dinner? It’s sooo ordinary…, it’s nice gesture, but half a world do the same thing leeeh…at least I know half of Singaporean do that.

I imagine a girl having to ‘go out’ on Valentine day, wear something nice and smelled like flower in the spring, sit nicely, trying to look posh and to hide some belly, pay enough attention to the guy and the rest of it to the way she look, laugh softly (it’s hell for them to show gum) when he makes a joke, goes to the bathroom often to top-up the make up. Weee… it doesn’t sound romantic to me.

And it reminds me of one of Hubby friend’s remark, he is always fascinated with ‘alien girls’, the one who looks their best, but have undoubtful similarity with aliens. When they eat, they open their lips wide in every direction, follow after me, and a set of teeth will come out to bite the food or the straw when they drink. Mission: to avoid the food or drink ruins their lipstick.
If I became an actor one day, I’ll remember this remark every time I need to laugh. This friend is the good example for unwilling romantic boyfriend. He will make so much noise and rip off his hair few days before birthdays, anniversary, Valentine, Christmas because he has the pressure to buy something or go somewhere or he would have to spend those days like hell.
Wait, I have another remark from him,
“I try to subscribe this DVD Rental membership for sometimes, I went through great deal of distance to make my first renting thinking of enjoying action blast, @#%#^% my girlfriend rented Stuart Little 1 and *&(%@#% Stuart Little 2!"
He he ho he he..
Priceless…. :)

Eits, back to the topic. I mean flower, dining are fine but both have to enjoy it romantically, not because of something politically correct or something 'I do because other people do.'
My colleague just told me that last year, he had three girlfriends, so he went out with them a day before, a day after and on Valentine itself. Doooh…

So, IMHO, it’s more romantic to do something else, which is unique, like go up to a hill (or rooftop!), lie down on the grass and watch the stars. Bring some light food and have a fun picnic and chat. Or instead of bringing flowers which will die in few days, go to the flower field and enjoy it, instead of expensive and ordinary diamond, make your own necklace and bracelet with some simple shell found on the beach.
Important: do something barefoot.
More important: any other days will do. Valentine is just another day.

What I know now is that my Korean friend may have to eat another black noodle. They said guys eat Korean blacky2 noodle when they have no girlfriends on Valentine day. Actually, It tastes quite nice. :)

One more thing, I heard the news that Hollywood are going to make Baywatch movie: What’s wrong with these people?!?
And why the heck U2 had to collaborate with Mary J and spoilt a good song? They sound good on their own. O-n t-h-e-i-r o-w-n. Together, it’s chicken farm. Noisy. ~: >

___________________________________________________________________________________

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
- Groucho Marx

Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.
- Joey Adams

The minute a man is convinced that he's interesting, he isn't.
- Stephen Leacock

Man has will, but woman has her way.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
- Oliver Herford

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.
- H. L. Mencken

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
- Tim Allen

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.
- Bob Hope

Thursday, February 09, 2006

...

I’m feeling awfully sad
I should have known better about something in the past
I turned you down when you reached for me
How can I tell you that I didn’t know
That I didn’t even know...
Because I’ve always thought,
You are my good friend
I’m sorry that I didn’t realize earlier
Hurt you and leave a deep scar
I would never ever able to restore
Thanks for giving me something so beautiful,
And then, for forgiving me
And never let go our friendship
Wish I could tell you this
Right before your eyes
You and you…

_____________________________________________________________

…so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down

- Eyes On Me, Final Fantasy

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

This Is Dedicated To Friends

This is dedicated to friendS, who questioned my lack of little people, babies.
If this topic of writing bores you, blame them.
My one and only Junior High friend in contact, also called me and after few news changing, she forced me to have a baby. FORCE. She didn’t listen to any reasoning o mine. She is considered lucky that I gave any. Because since sometime ago, I adopted Silence Is Golden, as I learned that trying to reason only would make me fall into deeper trap.

When I was in Jakarta, I was fooled once. My brother’s father in law, I happened to walk through him, and as good gesture, exchange words. Supposedly it was only a hello and goodbye, there was no way that The Big Question could come out.

“Hi, Om.” The conversation should end here.

“Aping! In Jakarta for few days?”

“Yes – “

“Why haven’t you have babies yet?”

“Hah? Ugh…, we’re not ready.” The conversation should end here.

“Why? No such thing. You have to ….., bla… remember…bla…then…bla….age…blablablablabalala…..almost thirty…...blabalabalablabalabalbala…...gludug gludug..”

See? Reasoning your head.

So, when we were in the wedding dinner. I tried not to stand on the same spot, but eventually I was in the guest reception table for way too long at one moment.

“Aping!”

When I turned around, my second and third aunt shoot, “What’s wrong with your mind that you decide not to have baby yet?”
I left them on spot, rude indeed, but I swear, I smiled before I left. I didn’t even know why I left, my reflexes tried to escape, I guess.
My first aunt used another approach. She grabbed my hand, looked at me straight in the eye, and in the Hi, I’m a FBI agent, I’ve seen UFO and Yeti tone, she said, “Trust me. You really should bla bla…"

Okay, forget about responsibility, financial, education and all those reasons. I try extreme ones this time. I read it somewhere and let me try to rephrase it and add a few spices on my own.

There is nothing free and safe again in this world. I have to spend my life working, and destroy my health, and use the money I earn to restore it. I live between Mass Weapon Destruction, suicide bombers, beheaded hostages, pedophiles priests, bird flu, mad cow, Aids, ebola and war. I pay for food, water, bed, security and the only thing I can have for free, air, is polluted. I used to enjoy cartoons as kid, now cartoons make people kill each other.
Tell me, should I bring another person to this crazy world?


Hm?

Hm?

Course I will. But not now. So shut up. ; p

___________________________________________________________________________________

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for
sex.

- Bill Maher

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
- W.C. Fields

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
- Clarence Darrow

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
- Quentin Crisp.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
- Tim Vine

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
- Emo Philips

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Kompi

Yeayyy…..!I finally beat my phone in PocketChess. That thing had driven me crazy since months ago. Every step I made, it blocked my way, killed my knights, threatened my King. Whenever I thought I was making a smart move, it happened to be a trap. I had to cheat a bit by undoing my steps and when sometimes I became too agitated I pressed Switch Sides…-monyet curang, habis gregetan- but it never failed to amuse me and made me curse and swear.
But the moment of this century, I have beaten it! In few steps only, and Check Mate. 5% skill, 95% luck. Yuhuu… I didn’t even realize myself. Now that I’ve won, I won’t play again. He he he ..

Machines are getting smarter and smarter. I bought this tiny machine called Q20. Hubby found it in one shop one day. Think of something, it asks 20 questions, you only need to answer yes, no, maybe, and it guesses correctly. We tried it few times, and finally one day decided to buy it. Now I’m out of question. I’ve asked it to guess key, wallet, watch, rainbow, volcano, blender, car tire, hair, everything. It got me wrong at times but mostly because I gave something too specific or abstract, like hairy mole, rain or I didn’t answer correctly, like when I thought about shark, it asked does it lay eggs? I said,”Yesssssss.”
Mas koki kaleee’...

Along machines are getting smarter, sometimes they are also stubbornly stupid. I strongly suspect that they hate me. When I was using my previous software, that thing crashed on me in a way that it never crashed on anybody else. Error, refused to do my commands, or crashed my other program just because that particular program was installed first. That kind of jealously! When the IT guy found the problem, he didn’t believe it himself, but we proved it right, so I had to install this one before that one etc…
Or when I did something, the computer just stared back at me, pretended that I never asked. Those were the time I felt like kicking %^#%^&#, but mostly ended up with me begging for it. They hate me because I killed one when I was doing my Final Paper in University. I hate them back secretly, sometimes I poked them when they were off or when I don't need them.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realise that you are in a hurry.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
- Rita May Brown.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
- Paul Ehrlich.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
- Al Goodman.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
- Eric Porterfield.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
- James Magary.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Lizardily

I’m scared of lizards. It’s not a phobia, it’s not extreme, but I hate to be in the same room with it. I watched TV halfway few times last weekend because there was one on the ceiling above my head.

Let me try, creamy smooth rubbery skin, sometimes they looked transparent because they like to stay near the light, you can see the internal organs and veins, they have big black eyes and they like to open their mouth wide while they look at you. They have hands, almost the same like us, make us wonder how many seconds do we have before they fall and land in your face. If they do, the tail would be detached and it would jump into your ears.
Scared now?
Not to mention that they are stupid. They like to hide inside the door and window frame, imagine one day you actually crush them and squeeze their rubbery body. Gosh!
I’ve never really actually disgusted by them unless, one day, thanks to my cat, she killed one and left it on the floor. I stepped on that, and it stuck. I was so freaked out and kept kicking until, thank God, it went off. Yuck! It happened twice. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

You know the drill that when an animal bites you, they have this stubborn habit not to let go. My friend told me he had been bitten by gecko before, that ugly thing stuck stubbornly and looked at him directly in the eyes while he tried to shake it off his finger. Last weeks, while I was sitting on the beach waiting for my friends, I was bitten by a big bug in the arm. It didn’t move no matter how hard I shook it, lucky I was not afraid of bug, so I could look at it and snapped it away with my middle and thumb finger. I couldn’t imagine if I had to do it with lizard.

I scared of mannequin when I was a child. One day, few months ago, I went to a sport store when there was a mannequin, an athlete preparing to jump into water, mannequin for Speedo. When I walked pass it, Hubby happened to grab my hand. He stood on my right, but for some reason he grabbed my left hand, and the mannequin was nungging on my left. I jumped so high and for spilt seconds, I did believe that it was the one who grabbed me. Although I still make fun of them, sometimes I peek (if they are male mannequin wearing underwear with bulging…uhm…I tend to get kepo, for your information, socks usually is the reason), but deep inside I think I still afraid of them.

I avoid people with costume. Mascots, barongsai and worse, clowns. I won’t be freak out but I won’t stand near them intentionally. I dislike people with very very dark sunglass too, if I don’t see their eyes, I don’t trust them and don’t feel like talking to them even if they are someone that I know.

So far, I’m quite normal, nothing extreme. I heard my friend’s phobia, sometimes it’s ridiculous, but it must be hard to have. One of my friends has to count the staircase he walks, always, while other couldn’t stand of rubber band, even though it attached to the most attractive girl’s hair.

...

...


Can you tell that I’m bored?


___________________________________________________________________________________

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
- Steven Wright

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.
- Leslie Nielsen

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
- Anonymous

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
- Dennis Miller

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
- B.L. Taylor.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

- Emo Philips

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
- Spike Milligan

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
- Steven Wright

Cartoons

Doooooohhh…… cartoons.
I’ve always avoided discussing sensitive things, but sometimes I fall into temptation.

Without intention to offend anyone, I feel less and less and less towards religion. Somehow I feel they are just something controlled by human, and it depends on the subject how to interpret and distort them. History tells, religion is most violent killer; number one reason people justify killings.

I don’t like people being categorized and judges by religion. I was not born Christian, I adopt partial concept of it, but if someone asks me, I am considered Christian.
Do I go to church every week? No.
Do I listen to preachers? Only if they are able to keep me awake.
Do I believe in what they say? Sometimes. Other times I roll my eyes, and if they keep shouting for me to fight the devil, that those who don’t believe in God should go to hell, and pressure me to drop a lot of money into the basket, I'd leave the church and go for lunch. If I wanted to hear someone badmouth about others, I’d rather buy gossip tabloid.
Is it impossible to talk about religion in peace? No. I had the most interesting conversations with a Muslim friend I met in 1995, we spent a week in an activity together, and we were able to talk about that better than two people arguing about the concept of architecture in midyear presentation.
If a Muslim walks to me and slaps me? I whack him/her into pulp if I’m able to, unless he/she has good reason for that.
If a Christian walks to me and slaps me? I whack him/her into pulp if I’m able to, unless he/she has good reason for that.
If a Karate champion walks to me and slaps me? I run. The other day I make sure I have a chance to kick him/her on the groin, maybe when she/he is looking to another direction.

What I’m saying, whoever, if they believe they have their own good judgments, should trust themselves. A preacher is a human; Bible and Quran were made by human. Nothing justifies them to be better if you feel they are not. If someone offends, see them as a jerk, pervert or whatever, but not as a Muslim, Christian or Buddhist etc.

Provocateurs, religion mail spammers, cartoonists, they are used by someone or using someone else to get into their real agendas; politic, economy. To fulfill those real agendas, sometimes they use the most powerful tools, religions. To bad it’s so powerful that many people falls into it. Even by talking about that, in hatred and anger, it has successfully provoked someone in smaller scale.

Now go to the corner and pretend that I’ve never tempted to write this crap.


____________________________________________________________________________________

My country is the world and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mohandas Gandhi

If one were to take the bible seriously, one would go mad. But to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad.
- Aleister Crowley

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- Emo Philips

The penalty for censoring what your children are taught is children who are no brighter than you.
- Unknown (Andrew David Hartman?)

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
– Gandhi

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sailing

Before I start, there is a commercial break, advertisement.
24 is great! Just finish second season, haven’t watched first and forth. The story line made me biting the edge of my coffee table. I would never watch 24 in TV, week after week, I could die of curiosity. I’d better buy the whole season and become a couch potato for few days.

Back to normal life. Chinese New Year has just passed. No fireworks, no angpau, no new clothes, no relatives, no cookies, but I loveeeee the looong weekend. Can I have it again? Why did I hardly cherished holiday season when I was at school? Now I miss it.

Saturday was a big day; we finally went sailing with Leo. Around midday, he picked us up in meeting point with his friend’s car. From there we went straight to Changi Village, one of Singapore’s popular hawker center and grabbed something for lunch. Changi Village is located near the boat terminal to Pulau Ubin.

Pulau Ubin adalah salah satu pulau yang masih termasuk wilayah Singapura. Pulau ini beken buat orang2 sini karena ‘alamnya’, biarpun sebenarnya, di Indo, keluar kota peloksok dikit, bisa nemu ‘alam’ ginian dimana2, hutan kecil2an, satu jalan, beberapa warung, pantai2an, udah. See? Tangerang juga ada. Bagusan juga Depok. Makanya gue pake bahasa Indo, soalnya mau nyela2, takut ditimpuk temen2 yang tersinggung.
Gue kesini dua taonan yang lalu, pengen tau, naek boat kecil bareng Hubby trus nyewa sepeda, kita sempet nyasar di ‘hutan’, dimana treknya ngilang begitu aja, trus ketemu komodo kecil2an. Jalanan naek turun, mirip UI, cuman ada sekali ditanjakan gue bela2in turun dorong soalnya sepedanya gak nanjak, sementara kanan kiri gue kuburan. Biar gak keren yang penting maju, maju, maju terus… gak mau stuck di kuburan. Hii…


After short lunch, we departed for Changi Sailing Club. It was located next to the sea of course. The sea here, we could never see free water. It’s either full of boat, ship, cargos, or we see other islands. We went to the parking area for boat. Leo grabbed one quite big in size and pulled the boat to the empty pavement. It was a nice boat, I don’t know what type was that, it’s about three-four meter long, it has middle and two sides. Leo told us about the boat, and some unfamiliar sailing terms. Pod, stern, bow, jib, bump (sp?), he started to get really busy, he went into the storeroom and carried sails, ropes etc etc. We acted busy and helped here and there, amused and confused, we assembled the sails, emptied the water in the boat, tied some knots and tied our logistic; Pocky chocolate, oranges, Iced tea, water and Kerupuk, hehhehe… everything had to be ready to go wet, we wore short booties and swimming trunk under T-shirt and short.

When everything is in place, we pushed while Leo pulled the boat to the platform shores. When it went into the water, we dragged the trolley out. It was quite tedious and half of us were dipping in the sea. After it done we jumped into the boat, we took charge on jib, which was the smaller sail, while Leo was behind controlling the main. For sailing, the boat never goes in straight direction, it faces the destination diagonally, either zig or zag. When it changed to zig or zag, the code is tag (sp?). It’s either me or Hubby in control of the jib. When I was in control, I sat in the edge of the boat and adjust the jib according to the wind by pulling or loosening the rope. If ‘tag’, I’d let go the rope, moved my butt to the middle of the boat, while Hubby sat on the other edge and tighten his rope, so the jib flew to the other way. Got it? I confuse myself. The one who sat in the middle had to watch out the bump, the horizontal metal that straighten the main sail. It’s located slightly above the neck for those who sit in the middle, so we had to bend down a bit while shifting the body, to balance the boat if it lifted to right or left. Sometimes the bump had to be shifted and it would swing fast to another side, so we had to watch out if we didn’t want to knock our head and created BONG sound effect.

Sailing is definitely different with what I have always thought. I thought it’s a relaxing activity, so we can day dream, read book and look pretty, you can do everything in slow motion. Apparently, it’s almost the opposite. When the boat started to move, I was shocked to learn how fast it could go. It was a great and windy afternoon. The boat ran as if it was a chicken with burning butt. I was sitting there shocked, not knowing what to do while around us were big cargo ships and sailing boats moving in various direction. The sea was choppy and it banged the boat upside down. Leo was very busy, pulled this rope, that rope; sometimes he bit it with his teeth while he tried to teach us what to do. After a while, we mastered the tagging method, and ‘butt outside’ method. If the boat is lifted on one side, for extreme result the boat will go capsize. We have to try to avoid it by shifting the body weight. To do so, the one who is on the edge needs to sit further out, until the backside is outside, and even lies on the back, so the body is parallel with the sea surface. Put the toe under the safety belt located in the middle of the boat and hang on tight to the rope, it’s GREAT FUN! I would surely love to do it again.

We sailed for almost four hours, passing through few small islands around Singapore and went around Pulau Ubin. Around five o’ clock, we went back and dragged the boat, cleaned it by spraying with water, let it dry and dissembled it. We sat there chatting, gossiping and eating everything we had, then we washed up and ate dinner in the club. Too bad we couldn’t see any fire works because we were too far from the city.

Except sailing, we spent most of the four-day holiday by sleeping and watching DVDs. Monday, we rode bicycle for two hours around the neighborhood. Since we hardly do any sport here, I must admit we had the sport withdrawal.
Body ache, butt ache, tired muscles.

Tsk tsk…. Old age. Old age.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
- George Carlin.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
- Spike Milligan

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.
- Steven Wright

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
- Woody allen

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'
The doctor says, 'It's old age.'
The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

- Tommy Cooper