Monday, November 27, 2006

Marriage

Temen kerja gue minggu lalu ngimelin gue attachment berjudul ‘Did I marry the right person?’ Gue kagak gitu inget apa aja isinya. Panjang, tentang tetek bengek perkawinan dan intinya (kayaknya) adalah kita harus berusaha menerima orang yang kita nikahi apa adanya, dan jangan membandingkan.. bla bla, duh, ampun, gue bener2 lupa.
Sekilas info : Sekarang buanyuak banget hal mendetail kecil2 yang gue pikir bakal inget tapi ternyata gue lupa. Begitukah kehidupan di penghujung 20? Belom lama gue harus ganti kartu ATM karena gue lupa password yang gue pilih sendiri, padahal gue cuman sering pake 3 macem password. Selaen passwordnya, gue juga lupa jumlah digitnya..

Tapi isi attachment itu gak usah dipikirin. Setelah dikirimin, kita mulai bales2an imel, antara Gue dan Dia.
G : Nah. Complicated kan, tapi elo kan belom telat.
D : Lho! Elo kan juga belom?

Ampe disini gue bingung dikit, maksud gue dia belom telat soalnya dia masih single. Nah, maksud dia? Gue masih single juga? Setau gue gue emang belom bikin catatan sipil di Indo, dan Sertifikat kawin dari gereja belom gue ambil-ambil,... Setelah gue pikirin lebih dalem, Oh, maksudnya dia gue belom telat karena marriage gue baek2 aja. Trus ada email lagi.

D : Siapa bilang gue belom telat, kan gue udah punya cewek. Hampir sama aja.
G : Tunggu ampe loe tinggal bareng. Beda. Namanya tinggal bareng dua2nya ngeliat borok2nya masing2. Jangankan married, roommate atau housemate juga keliatan cara ngupilnya.
D : Iya sih. Loe tau sendiri gue tinggal sama dua orang cewek. Itu makanya gue gak pernah ngedate ama housemate gue, gue tau apa yang cowok mereka gak tau.

Dia pernah cerita tentang ‘Hal2 Yang Dia Tahu Yang Cowok Teman Serumahnya Aja Gak Tau’, seru kan, kepo kan, tapi jangan gue beberin disini. Intinya, tinggal serumah ama orang itu gak gampang. Bisa aja loe ketemu pasangan yang rapi jali, begitu dianya dirumah makannya pakai kaki. Orang2 yang rapi,manis, budiman, penyayang binatang, pecinta anak-anak didepan mata orang2 lain dimuka umum, bisa2 jadi kunyuk brutal yang suka banting pintu, tidur berkubang tumpukan debu, ada kucing atau anak2 nyasar ditendang keluar lewat jendela dan sakit dipantat (terjemahan pain in the ass lho) kalo soal bagi2 kewajiban didalam rumah.

Makanya diluar dari tata cara krama dsb, gue mendukung ide tinggal bareng dulu sebelom merid, tentunya kalo dua2nya orang dewasa bertanggung jawab dan tau baik buruknya tetek bengek. Dengan begitu, baru ketauan deh siap gak tinggal ama orang ini selama 50, 60, 100 taon?

Buat gue, gue dapet easy start. Gue ada pengalaman jadi housemate dulu, bahkan basic kenalnya gue dari housemate, at least, gue berasa itu plus-pointnya.
Tentunya, banyak pula cerita2 yang lebih aneh, seperti yang diceritain temen gue. Satu pasangan tinggal bareng, trus putus, tapi masih tinggal bareng, dan masing2 bawa pasangan masing2 buat tinggal bareng pula. Istilahnya, Die Lah. Aneh, aneh berat menurut gue, kecuali kalau mereka udah oke-oke aja, tapi bagaimanapun, sejarah tetap ada. Aneh dong. Aneh dehhhhh.

Ada pula, yang ini tidak jarang. Pasangan seangkatan bokap nyokap atau yang lebih tua yang udah gak klop satu sama laen milih tinggal pisah rumah/pisah kamar tapi tetap kawin. Ada yang alasannya demi anak-anak, ada juga yang alasannya tidak mau divorce. Gue jadi inget komentarnya temen gue yang lain, kalau orang2 dari generasi sebelumnya kalo sudah menikah, that’s it, mereka gak bakal mempertimbangkan untuk bercerai, mereka tabah2 aja melewati dan menghadapi semua rintangan.
Kalo dipikir2, emang bener, mungkin tidak baik kalo misalnya terjadi ketidakcocokan yang ekstrem atau pasangan yang jahat, buat pasangan satunya untuk bertahan sementara perkawinannya gak bahagia. Disisi laen, mereka mencoba segala cara untuk bertahan dan saling menerima dan banyak pula yang berhasil, dengan cara gak menyerah begitu saja kalau ada masalah, kecil maupun besar.

Gue pernah baca juga artikel dikoran disini, tentang ginian. Ada pula yang jawabnya, Kawin aja dulu, kalo gak cocok, Cerai aja, gampang.
Gampang? Temen gue yang laen mungkin bilang, Enak aja. Gampang gundulmu. Waktu dia bercerai, dia harus membagi semua barang miliknya. Bukan sesuatu yang gampang, karena semuanya sibeli buat berdua, dipakai buat berdua dan dipilih berdua. Semua barang menyimpan kenangan tertentu. Rumahnya dijual karena status rumahnya disini tidak valid lagi berhubung dia jadi single. Itu rumah yang pojokannya ada garis2 tempat mengukur tingginya sang anak, yang cat dan furniturenya dipilih berdua atau dicat berdua, dan dipakai berdua. Temen itu sampai menjadi down dan sedih walaupun dia tau divorce itu pilihannya yang bener.

Pasangan hidup itu sepertinya seseorang yang elo anggap gak bakalan berpaling, gak bakalan mengecewakan, selalu ada, selalu berbagi. Berbagi materi, berbagi hati. Makanya orang bilang The Other Half. Ketika harus berpisah, bagaimanapun juga pasti berasa tinggal setengah, mati setengah. Setidaknya untuk beberapa saat, ada yang recover dan membangun lagi setengah yang hilang, ada pula yang tidak.

Jadi, jangan pernah gampangin persoalan Kawin dan Cerai.

Apalagi dengan orang-orang yang melakukannya untuk alasan yang salah. Demi keinginan orang tua, demi mendapatkan suami kaya, demi pelarian dari single life.
Gue pernah cerita tentang temen gue yang stuck di perkawinannya dia, dia dijodohkan dan memutuskan untuk menikah demi keluar dari single life dan pekerjaannya yang stuck. Ternyata perkawinannya gak bahagia, suaminya tidak jujur soal backgroundnya dan dia juga punya ibu mertua from hell. Minggu kemaren gue telpon dia lagi, setelah sekian lama. Dia baru melahirkan anaknya yang kedua, dan semuanya makin parah. Hubungan dengan suaminya udah gak jelas, seperti dua orang asing, apalagi hubungan dengan keluarga suami yang terus menerus mencari-cari kesalahan dari pihak dia. Mau kabur, gak tau mau kemana dan anaknya sudah dua. Mau bertahan, sepertinya ketidakbahagiaan dia udah ekstrem. Gue bingung abis-abisan. Mau menolong, apa yang bisa gue lakukan? Gue disini, dia disana. Mencegah, udah gue lakukan, sebelom dia kawin, tapi tidak ada yang bisa menghakimi kalau keputusan seseorang itu baik atau buruk. Walaupun menyesal, gak ada penyesalan yang gak telat. Itulah resenya penyesalan, pahlawan kesiangan. Tengix.

D : Iya gue tau kalo merid itu lain, gak bakalan segampang pacaran. Walaupun pacaran yang serius juga susah. Dan seperti loe bilang, merid itu masalahnya bukan antara dua orang aja, tapi melibatkan keluarga, temen, pekerjaan....

*Holy Cow, banyak ya*

G : Iya sih, tapi jangan keder.
Kalo lo ketemu The Right Person, semuanya tak sesulit kelihatannya kok..

________________________________________________________________________________

Marriage is the only war when one sleeps with the enemy.
- Anonymous

What is the definition of tragedy? Marrying a man for love and the discovering that he has no money.
- Anonymous

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
- Cyril Connolly

We want playmates we own.
- Jules Feiffer

It’s bloody impractical : to love, honor and obey. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t have to sign a contract.
- Katharine Hepburn

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Big Blue

I watched a movie called The Big Blue; it’s a French movie with original title Le Grand Bleu, made in 1988. The movie was not very successful in America, but it was played in French for over a year. I watched the extended version, and I have a new favorite movie.

It’s inspired by two rival-friends in free diving sport, played by Jean Reno (he is always cool) and Jean-Marc Barr. The characters in the movie are real. Both of them are depth record breaker for free diving until the competition to break record was banned.
But the movie itself is not all about some rigid competition but mix of everything. Just when you think the movie is over, it doesn’t. Just when you think you know the way it’s going, it goes another way.
It’s unique and in some sort of way made me glue to the screen and be in the same shoe with the character and it does blow me away. Watch! It’s a gem.

Last week I watch An Inconvenient Truth. Not many people know about this movie as it is not published widely here. I thought it’s a documenter, but surprise surprise, I didn’t have a hint that Al Gore is into environment. I didn’t even know how does he look but only hear his name few times related to US politic. Charismatic, well said, although I can’t help wondering why is it feel like an autobiography and campaign purpose. So, the movie gripped me but not for long, as the main purpose is almost blurred. But watch out, watching this movie make you feel like attending to a Geography class. Although, if only classes were at this quality.

Tiger And The Snow. My friend recommended this movie; we are both the fans of Roberto Benigni’s work in Life Is Beautiful. As LIB, it’s not easy to guess where the movie is going on the first part, it feels like what-the-hell-is-the-plot type of drama comedy, but when we find out what is it all about, it makes us stick to it.
Both movies have many similarities. Starting from the same casts, which I must say have very similar character in both movies, it has light-simple plot with heavy historical background. Eliminate all the errors and questions about the history, the length of Auschwitz concentration camp, that divers breath pure oxigen, and then enjoy the heart-warming movie.
To be mushy, both movies have great points for us to think about how we should live and love. : )

Malena, this is an Italy movie, with Monica Bellucci as the main cast, perfect cast imo. The story a about how a beautiful woman gets through her life during wartime. Beautiful woman, as in beautiful as a curse, in hypocritical society. It’s scary.

Alibi is funny in its own way. About a business in providing alibi for those unfaithful husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.
I watched it sometimes ago, I thought the main character is cute, although he is not handsome, not nice small built and never smile. ?!?

Pirate of The Caribbean 2, didn’t really understand some parts because I forgot about the first installment, at times I got very piss off with the witch lady for not talking normally, at other times I laughed my head out at Captain Jack. But most of all, I watched it because of the main actor : ) Johny Deep lah! But I do like the movie.

Lake House, again, he he he he, Mass Nunu! The story is adopted from Korean movie, about two people living two years apart. Not bad. Quite romantic.

RV, starring Robie William, about how he struggled to maintain his works and family, one of them by having a road trip to (Damn, I forgot the place! The place has great sceneries) in RV, some kind of trailer.
Great actor, and not a bad comedy.

Benny and Joon, old old movie, starring, Johny Deep. Another weird character. Light movie, about how two unusual person together. Simple, predictable, but it’s nice.

Underworld and Sequence. Bah.

The Break Up, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaugh. Nice movie, the plot is simple but imo, all the guy in the world should watch it, very connectable to real life, more than people ever thought. Like the ending.

The World Fastest Indian. The feel-good movie, about Anthony Hopkins doing what he always dream about. It’s long, he talks a lot, but everybody is nice.

Click. Not a useless drama. Something to think about, but I could use some button of the remote. : )

Unfaithful. Richard Gere, Diana Keaton (?) and Oliver Martinez. Not an unique idea but the plot is not bad and Oliver Martinez is....hot.

From those all, the one I really hit the cinema was Pirate and Inconvenient Truth only. Wadaw, should spice up my night life a bit..

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Confessions To Make

It’s mid of November, but I haven’t felt the Christmas spirit. I also haven’t heard Christmas songs being played. But shops have started to sell Christmas decorations, trees, cards etc. I do agree Christmas has been commercialized, but what isn’t in this current world? At least Christmas still has some meaning and giving, and charity work goes up during Christmas, and we have a free day from work.

So for this upcoming Christmas, and to celebrate that I have been writing my thoughts for more than a year, I want to introspect myself.

I have this guy friend, we are close since high school, and he likes to share his thoughts, his problems; something good, something fun, something sad and everything. Now that both of us have our own family, we hardly get in touch but if we happen to have a chance to talk, we still can attach bit and bits, end to end with no problem. Orang Jawa call it Nyuambungh.
One day, he shared his problem to me, after some conversation, then he told me, I’ve shared a lot of things to you. My secret etc, and I appreciate that you always listen and help me. But I realize that you hardly tell me and share me your problem? Do you have problem at all?

It struck me and I gave it a thought. Maybe he’s right, perhaps he’s right. I don’t like to share my problems, not because I want to, but because by talking about it, it reminds me more, and I thought by talking only it wouldn’t be solved, instead, it would make me down, and make my friend down by hearing it.
I thought if I keep it to myself, I’d be able to solve it by myself. But I also realize, does it mean that I’m one type of person who choose to run away from problems?

So, jokingly of course, with this friend I could never be 100% serious, I also tried to share my problem, with his help. He tried to keep me talking by asking some questions. It was embarrassing, because the problem was ugh, personal, yeah, young people, what else was our biggest problem except relationship. It wasn’t smooth, we laughed, we stuck, but we were getting better, and then I know, maybe I can’t solve the problems by talking, but at least it’s relieving to share it with someone. Along the way, we might find some brilliant ways to solve it and at the end, nothing is too heavy.

I also found more surprises along the way I learn to talk more openly. Such as, many people misread me. I cared for them but they thought I didn’t. I also amaze that I could hide my feelings very very well, sometimes too well. Too well that I only had a boyfriend when I was 20. He he he he he he..

Okay, I had to cut the crap here. These are not the things I intended to say. All I want to say is that, I used to find it horrible to write my thinking. Sometimes I was caught in horror when somebody told me they read it. I was like, Oh shit shit, did I write something bad? Something secret? Something humiliating?
My colleagues made noise when I refused to give them the link to my blog. I wrote and complained so many things about them and office. I would never, in my own will, let them read it. Then they threatened that they would try to find it by themselves. Easy, go to Friendster, search for name, fit the particular and bam. I was panic, and I banned everyone except first tier friend to access the blog. It should be nothing, but indeed I was really really panic.
When everything slowed down, I opened the connection again. So far, so safe.
I just realize that I might not want to mix up these two worlds, my work life and my real life. They are different!

But this Christmas, I want to try to open up more, (but not by giving my colleagues the link to this of course),
I will still write as if nobody will read it, because if not, maybe I won’t write anything, but I won’t restrain myself from everything.
Shiooooooooooooook…

So I share my self-introspection. Not in particular or alphabetical order.


My favorite time:

1. I love to be with my family. We eat a lot; we make fun of each other. But it is fun. I remember when I was a child; we spent time by playing cards together. And now, we like to play mahjong. Mahjong! It’s not really about gambling, but sit down together and have quality time and conversations. Those times are precious to me.
2. Spending time with my friends. Old friends, good friends are those people who keep me young, kekeke. People who can make me laugh silly and free.
3. Spending time with Hubby, myself and of course, diving, my quite new passion but something I grow so fond of that I can’t imagine giving it up. Hopefully I’ll never need to.


My stupidity:

1. It was the third year of my university. So I was in the Bank ATM and wanted to draw
200Kto pay for something. By the time the machine was processing the money, I remember I didn’t need that much, so when the money came out, I figured that it would be tedious for me to bank it in again, I better let the machine pulled it back in and reduced 0 in my balance. So I stood there, made face to the money, lewekin, nyenyenyenye, until the atm machine pulled it back. I was still laughing until I printed out the balance, and bam, my balance was 200K less! Which was close to zero?
I was panic, only 30 seconds ago the money was in front of my nose, but I made fun at it. I had to report to the bank and stated the most stupid reason, trying to make it sound not so stupid and waited for their call the whole day until the bank closed all the transactions and proved that they had 200K more in their balance. I tell you, it was a very long day.

2. A friend insisted to introduce me to a guy; I refused until one day he really came to my class. My first stupid reaction: I ran. What the hell was I thinking? I really don’t know. And it didn’t happen only once. Lucky we became friends during our other stage of life.
Similar thing happened during Junior High School, a guy who sat on the same table, we had morning and afternoon class, he put some kind of letter below the table. We became pen pal for a while, until he requested to meet. I tried to avoid the meeting, he sent me pictures, and worse, apparently he knew my cousin. When we had a family gathering, he was there. And I hid. I don’t mean anything bad; I’m just not good with strangers.


What was I thinking?

1. On my first year in University, I found that my world was opened wide all of the sudden. There was this activity called Social Work, so we signed up to do social work for so called not-civilized villages. We built generator, public toilet, donate books blablabla, I was excited to join the activity, but bam, when I asked for permission to skip class, my lecturer rejected it. Our year, we only had 60 students, and there was a task for every class, so it’d be obvious if I was missing, otherwise, I guess I wouldn’t even ask. I was so surprised that he didn’t want to understand the reason. So I started to get angry and my reasoning were made in anger. Of course he was not happy, I would have jeopardize my particular subject if not for my good friend, who is much much more sensible, and she managed to talk the lecturer to give me, us, the permission, she decided to join me that very moment. Thanks, Tina, for saving my ass and accompanied me to the beautiful island where we watched cool guys worked with shovels. Aww : )

2. See, the problem that I have is when I’m angry, I tend to forget all the risks that I take. It’s good to defend ourselves, that’s what I think, but it’s also right that we think of the consequences. There were many times that I stood up when someone tried to take advantages of my mom’s shop, myself or my girl friends. Typical, woman, and Chinese, and those assh*l* thought they could scare us to death, or when someone tried to threaten me on the street. From slamming them with words, banged table and took out their physical challenge, I only know that I was in risk of many things. Luckily, those bastards were all chicken indeed. So, I must say that we shouldn’t act carelessly, but sometimes there are not many good other way to face a problem. Temper. Temper. It makes people live shorter.


My regrets:

1. We had a German Shepard, from the moment we bought it, she has this skin disease. We didn’t know about it, and it didn’t show much, the ******* pet shop lied a big deal when we asked. She was the liveliest dog, although she was sick, her spirit was much higher than others. We wanted her to help us guard the shop.
When riot struck, she escaped those stupid villains with minor bruise, so we had to keep her in our residence. Times went by, and there were times when many of us didn’t have full time to take care of her. Many of us stayed away from home. She was okay, she was healthily, but bearing the thought that she would sick again if nobody could take care of her, we had to find a way out.
Like an answer, one of our far neighbor, came by and asked for her. He has one male German Shepard and the owner wanted a friend for him. We knew his dog was very well groomed, and he acclaimed that he knew this type of disease and how to take care of her. We believed him with all the proves lied before our eyes, so we gave the dog to him.
One day, me and my mom happened to go for a morning walk, we walked further than usual. Near the man’s house, we saw a German Shepard being tied under the tree. My first reaction when I see a dog, is trying to befriend it. So I approached it. The dog was quite distracted; she kept looking at me, my mom, and made some sound. I noticed the tattoo on her ear. That’s the tattoo for every registered dog. I couldn’t be sure it’s her, but it was too much of the coincidence. My mom asked some security guard nearby and the security guard confirmed that it’s that man’s dog, our dog.
We were angry of course. Although she didn’t look very bad, but she was skinny and sad, and they tied her out everyday, sleeping on the pavement and sheltered below the tree. For a dog whose spirit never down, she certainly had gone through too much that she lost it. I couldn’t really remember the details, my mom said when she confronted the guy, he told her that our dog always fought with his, therefore he kept it outside during daytime. Maybe the saddest part for us is that we couldn’t do anything much. I was in my University all the time, so did everyone else. We couldn’t report him for neglecting, because we couldn’t really prove it. I couldn’t sleep and I cried for days.
Maybe this is one of my very biggest regrets that I couldn’t bear to think or to talk about.

2. Again. My temper.
One of the type of person I don’t like the most is the person who smiles when his/her heart say different thing. In my opinion, that is the scariest thing on earth and I don’t want any business to do with them. Imagine, they can stab you while they are smiling.
But, on the other hand, sometimes I do envy them. When I’m angry, or I don’t like or don’t feel happy about something, I certainly can’t hide it. It shows all over my face, my behavior and the way I talk. The fact that I can’t sugar coat it make me say nasty things that hurt other people, and sometimes, my parents. Hurting my parent’s feeling, although they forgave me, and not something major, I could hardly forgive and forget myself.
Sometimes I just wish that I had the option to smile while I’m angry. It’s fake, but better than hurting the people I love.

3. Learning from stupidity no.2, I should have give people more chance to get to know me, and I to get to know them. I might not know how many chances I have passed, but luckily, many had become my good friends later in life. They deserved thumbs up to bear with my stupidity, and we can laugh about it now.


My changes:

The way I see people representing religion.
The most of the thing I questioned in the past, was why would any parents want to baptize their children since baby? Don’t they want to let them have choices?
With this, my good friends managed to convince me, that they wanted what they feel is the best for the children. I agree with this, parents are angels; they have our best interest in their heart, and indeed that’s a very valid reason. I still have my doubts, but I satisfied with that.

Along the way, I have more questions, and I realized that there are two most disturbing things:

1. A. I saw ordinary people being kind; in fact some of the genuine kindest people that I met are not educated, poor and they might not even have religion.
B. Not one, but many of the preachers say that people without religion (or sometimes specifically without being a Christian) would, harshly put, go to hell.
If I have to categorize the things above, I would categorize A as Fact, and B as Fiction.
I have a big problem about anyone who says that my Buddist parent, my friends from other religions or those nice people in the street who never hurt a fly won’t have place in God’s home and go to hell.

2. Some preachers indeed put in their point hard and clear that we should donate, donate and donate money, small money, big percentage of money or whatever to prove that we are good Christian, helping people, repay God etc etc.
What I have big problem above is that sometimes they almost condemn those who don’t do so.
And, correct me if I’m wrong, if somebody have difficulties to make the ends meet, or want to contribute with their energy, their time in helping anybody else, doesn’t it worth some mention? Should it have to be money all the time? And where does it go every time? Can I be sure that I’m helping poor people by donating? But why, when some misfortunate thing happened, we often have to recollect money before they could do something?

But after giving a thought about these two disturbing things, I found the answer, at least for myself. It’s human. It’s all in human error. When somebody is considered qualified to say something in the name of religion, like preacher, it doesn’t mean that they are right. More often, we have to think again and be selective. They make mistakes, because they are human, but the dumb thing is without knowing better, they are pulling other people to follow, and for that, it’s a big mistake to let them talk on the first place.
No matter how weird, how many times we see people do stupid things in the name of religion? Almost nothing is more violent than war in the name of religion.
How many times we read news about crazy priests or other religion leader molest, rape or corrupt? And their victims, are those people who went to them to get some help or enlightenment to be good, and those money are hard earned money spared by people who want to do good.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t give up my Christianity. But maybe I give up on human. I only try to do what the good man teaches us to do, to be kind. Not by money, not by being a Christian.


My fears:

1. I have constant fear of something bad happens to people I care about. I almost can’t stop worrying about it, and I don’t know what I will do. It’s something beyond my ability and something that I can’t outgrow.
2. I have a very big fear that I would become somebody that I’m not. I am afraid of being tied down, giving up all my passions and dreams of life. It sound abstract, but it’s very real.


Damnit! How can this post become this serious? I feel all the pressure during the writing process, I actually feel sad, stupid, angry and scared. This is how I celebrate my one-year of writing about my life? Maybe I will give up after this heavy post!

I’m sure I still have many things, but I’ll stop now.
Maybe I add in one more thing to cheer me up, because I’m depressed at this moment!

One thing I’m glad I never give up:
During our open water class to get my first certification as diver, we went through one hell of morning. I had seasickness; I was throwing up, beside the boat, behind the boat, on the surface, inside the water. It was a nightmare. If there were lands anywhere near my sight, I would give up that very moment and celibate from the sea. Fortunately, we were far far away in the open water. Although I was dying and suffering, I had to finish the lessons. When I received my certification, there was nothing in my mind to allow my self involved again. Lucky, I have my buddy and my friend; they were my only reasons to try again. And now, it’s the passion of my life. Every moment, I dream of doing it. Apa coba.

Okay. My hardest post ever. I should be paid by hours, I might get rich. 3111 words. Holy crap.
Eh, why my boss passed by so many times?

______________________________________________________________________________

We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.
- Oscar Wilde

Every religion is good that teaches man to be good.
- Thomas Paine

History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind.
- Edward Gibbon

If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Never make a defense or apology before you are accused.
- Charles I

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

Never speak when you are angry. If you do you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.
- Robert Lynd

Do not hit at all if it can be avoided, but never hit softly.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, November 13, 2006

Janji

Janji-janji memang suka menyesatkan. Kalo terlalu rajin mengobral, dibilangnya.. mengobral. Kalo terlalu pelit, dibilang sombong. Intinya, capek ati.

Dulu, gue suka bingung kalo diajakin kemana-mana sama anak Kapa. Soalnya, waktu itu gue juga termasuk anak berbakti pada orang tua yang pengen sering pulang ketemu bonyok, sodara-sodara dan doggy-doggy tercinta, udah itu gue juga harus mastiin membawa pulang hasil kuliah yang gak bikin jantungan orang tua dan gue sendiri.

Untung dan ruginya kegiatan Kapa itu, kita biasanya nyiapin jauh-jauh hari.

Untungnya : yah, jauh-jauh hari. Jadi banyak waktu buat nyiap-nyiapin, apa ya yang perlu disiapin? Misalnya sering2 lari pagi kalo mau naek gunung, biar ototnya gak jontor pas benerannya. Atau kudu pinjam barang2 yang diperlukan kalo gak punya.

Ruginya : Banyak juga. Kayak waktu itu udah senang2 rencana mau rafting, giliran udah deket, sungainya lagi kering.
Nah, karena jauh2 hari, susah buat gue buat janji kalo bisa pergi.

Makanya kalo ditanya, ikut yuk ini itu waktunya ini itu, gue gak bakalan jawab YA langsung deh, soalnya menurut gue kalo bilang ikut, mustinya harus ikut, dan pada waktu ditanya gue bingung dong gue benernya bisa ikut gak sih? Tugas2 banyak, presentasi sana sini, ujian sini situ, site visit ini itu, banyak yang gak bisa diprediksi begitu jauh.
Makanya gue suka bilang liat dulu. Cuman, kadang2 ada pula yang bilang, kok diajak apa-apa gak mau?
Cheee..., mungkin itu gara2 gue sering ngomongnya enggak tau dulu pertama2, makanya rekor tanggapan negatif gue banyak. Kalau gue pergi juga, gak dianulir tuh rekornya.

Terakhir-terakhir, gue sempat belajar jurus baru, bilang iya dulu, giliran gak bisa, baru ngasih alasan, atau sekalian bilang enggak. Setidaknya, jangan digantungin dulu deh, biar waktu berpikirnya bisa obyektif, gue mau milih yang mana, antara:

- Pulang ke rumah, berkumpul ama sodara-sodara yang bawel, melewati perjalanan minimal 8 jam pulang pergi Depok-Tangerang-Jakarta, makan debu dan menghadapi monyet2 genit bosan hidup dijalan?
+ Demi suasana kekeluargaan, makanan rumah dan channel Teve yang cuman diperebutkan diantara 4 monyet dibandingkan 30 monyet di kos-kosan?

- Ikut kegiatan Kapa, masuk rimba belantara, manggul 20 kilo, atau manjat2 kayak monyet di tebing, atau basah2an disungai butek, gak mandi beberapa hari dan berdesak-desakan ditenda dengan orang laen atau bahkan sleeping bag yang sama? (kadang2 ada resikonya punya sleeping bag gede dan temen yang ngaku kecil : ).
+ Demi suasana fun, crazy, and free? Dan cinta-cinta lokasi yang bikin hidup kuliah penuh dengan bumbu-bumbu manis pedes asam asin? : )

- Mengerjakan tugas kuliah atau belajar buat ujian?
- Demi masa depan? B*l* s*it.


Selaen janji-janji kayak gituan, gue juga paling bingung kalo berjanji sama orang yang gak gitu deket, jarang ketemu dan gak ada sama-samanya.
Gue liat orang sini setidaknya, kalo misah atau ketemu temen yang jarang2, ngomongnya Keep In Touch ya! Kedengerannya niat gitu, tapi herannya dua2nya gak pernah tukeran nomor telepon. Giliran gue tanya, bilangnya itu basa-basi, gak niat, tapi sama2 mau bersikap friendly. Hm, mungkin bener juga.

Suatu hari, pas lagi makan, gue gak sengaja ngeliatin orang yang ngeliatin gue. Setelah beberapa lama, gue berhasil inget namanya, trus kita chit chat bentar. Dia itu bekas temen kerja dikantor lama. Karena lagi bareng temen2 laen, kita juga saling berpesan ‘Keep in Touch’, cuman gue merasa berdosa juga, kok kayaknya BS banget ngomong gitu doang, jadi kita tukeran nomor telepon. Masalahnya, dia tuh bener2 gak deket, bahkan susah kalo mau dibilang temen. Kita cuman sempat ngobrol beberapa kalimat selama kerja bareng setahun. Dan taulah, kalo orang gak kenal ngobrolnya apa.

A: Tinggal dimana?
B: Disini.
A: Oh.
~ Diem ~
A: Gue punya temen tinggal deket situ.
B: Ohya? Bagian mana?
A: Disitu.
B: Oh.
~ Diem ~
A&B : Cuaca bagus ya..

Emang sih, banyak pula orang baru kenal yang ngobrolnya nyambung. Tapi sama yang ini, bener2 enggak. Makanya gue kaget juga ketika dia telpon besoknya dan besoknya lagi ngajakin kita makan malem bareng. Emang sih waktu itu kebetulan kita juga lagi gak sempet, cuman sebenarnya juga berasa bingung juga, kalo ketemu, mau ngapain? Apa dia sekedar respect janji buat keep in touch dan dia juga sebenarnya ogah?

Begitulah begitulah.
Senen - nguantuk beruat!

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Personally I like short words and vulgar fractions.
- Sir Winston Churchill

If I Promise to miss you ... Will you go away?
- Anonymous

If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed.
- Beau Brummel

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
- George Burns.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
- Tommy Cooper

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Been A While

Been a while.
Last week I read news posted in scuba forum, about Fish. Yes, if the world is going on like this, 50 years from now there will be no fish in the ocean. I thought it must have been some useless post from some Greenpeacer thingy, then I heard it from the radio, and from the news in TV.

When we dive, we see school of fish from time to time, although only in good dive sites we can see thick school and cloud or fish soup. I remember I thought, there are so many fish, but there are also so many human. How could it be enough for all? Fish have their own problem, their own food chain, and human came in as the top in the food chain from small number, until now, when the fishing industry has become easy and modern.

Some dive spot, like the ones in West Malaysia, we could see deserted sea. Not many fish and the whole area sometimes just like being washed away. No color, no life, and I admit, one time, I got bored with the dive.

It’s amazing how human can put so much destruction. Everyone have a part. Even divers, who actually have to care about the environment for their leisure, contribute good deal of destructions. New divers, irresponsible divers, stupid divers, touch coral and marine life as they want it, or kicking their fins everywhere their want and harass animal. People poaching and using bomb or cyanide to harvest fish, or fisherman who cut fins from shark. Of course that goes on, consumers, buyers, traders, nobody can say they don’t play a part.

I always feel that I live in the wrong time. I graduated from my major Architecture, and all of sudden all the jobs related were difficult to find. They said, a year ago or so it was a very good and easy profession, that’s what I heard when I went into the Uni too.

Not only that, many things, I’m always too late.

At work, they say, previous years, we have this and that amount of bonus. It was a good year. But it never be good year in present.

So does diving industry. I have heard many many times, when the local just look at the cloud and say, Last time, we could see this and that type of fish here, but now there are no more.

I come to wonder, why am I always too late? Can’t the fish or the industry or the good things wait for me? *I can’t out grown my self here!*

But then again, it’s not only good thing that I miss. Every generation, every body, feel something is too much or missing from their time. How many times have you heard your friends or yourself say that the generation now is very much different from us. Kids are spoilt, they use handphone since they start talking, they can afford fast food for all their meals, and parents go making scene at school when their children are being bitten by mosquito.

While us, coins inside the camera film bottle is our asset to communications, between friends, lovers, letter and paper. Nobody really worried if we fall or come back home with bruises and blue black patch. We’d be lucky enough not to get extra helping.

But then again, just when we thought we are the tougher generation, our elders step in and say that we are spoilt. At their times, communication means See you in ten years, or when the pony express manage to deliver my letter through the Indian valley and cowboy robber. They come home with broken leg after falling down from a tree, and were told to fill the water tank from the river 2 kilometers from home.

Maybe, there never is a good perfect timing for everyone.

I might be lucky enough to see this type of fish occasionally now, while in the past, divers can see it anytime. How about future? Maybe my grandchildren won’t know what is fish.

But I still always think we are living in uncertain time, in the worst time of the earth. Human is destroying machine in every aspects. When war, pollution and destruction have taken toll and human are being punished from the impacts.
It’s the time when everything is almost gone but still there, so human start to think that instead of destroying, they have to conserve. So, hopefully, the future is when the turning back happens, when human and nature really take care of each other.
So it should be better world, shouldn’t it?

I do hope that we are living in the worst time. It’s both optimistic and pessimistic.

Or is it true what the old saying says, Earth start with no human, and end with no human too?
Because they destroy each other and destroy everything else.

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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
- Douglas Adams

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God. I could be eating a slow learner.
- Lynda Montgomery

- Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
- The fact that man knows right from the wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
Mark Twain

Komodo-Land of The Fork Tongue

Click here

http://apingpingaa-komodo oct2006.blogspot.com

or there links on the right --------------------------->

my story and picture about Komodo Island.
Took me weeks to prepare, finally I gave up!
Have to post!

:)