Five Regrets People Make on Their Deathbed

Someone I care about sent me an article, written by Bonnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying). It’s such a great article I want to share it here, word by word.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freesom very few realize, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This come from every male patient I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female petients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nurses deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It’s common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People who do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. This is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

This is surprisingly the common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.






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Artificial Babies

I read an article this morning about mothers who buy dolls that resemble babies. The dolls are so well made that it looks very realistic, even the material used can be closely associated with flesh textures.

They spend good money buying the dolls, dress them in clothes, shoes, and interacting with them as if they are real babies. Some psychologists say it might be unhealthy as they might become obsessed or having difficulty of understanding what is real and what is not for long term, especially those who are doing it not for hobby, but as some kind of replacement of their lost loved ones.

I was reading the article, all the while thinking that it’s such not a good idea for a product that can affect human in so emotional way, and how cruel it is that people get attached to it because it reminded them of their lost loved ones. I think everyone can relate a lot or a bit that it’s much more difficult to move on if we are clinging to something that reminded us to the things we had that we already lost. It’s difficult the way it is, let alone looking at the reminder every day, every moment.

It could be true that time probably heals, that someday the reminders are probably there to make you smile because of the good things in memory after you get over the tears of losing them. That is the line when we already crossing over, moving on.
But what about this, can they move on? Would reality become confusing?

Then it hit me on the last paragraph. One person defended themselves saying (not in exact quote) that she is well aware of what it’s real and what is not, it’s just nice to have something like that because she feels safe that the baby will always be healthy, don’t fall sick and won’t die…

The last sentence smacked me in the head. Yes, it’s such a simple wish, such a simple dream but yet so difficult. From all human selfishness we could see around the world, genuine love is probably that one thing that saves the faith for everyone. How it is much more painful to see people you love suffer in sickness and we wish everything that is best for them.

Sniff.