One of my colleagues is in the brink of retirement next month. He is sixty plus, one of lunch companions. He holds second highest position in the office, yet he is down to earth. Every lunch time he will share his stories of life, he likes jokes and always fascinated with email forwards. Yah, we receive any kind even the crappiest type of forwards from him through office emails. So he is more to fun kind, the most optimistic person on earth that I’ve known probably.
He looks forward to his retirement as he plans to make numerous trips or just enjoy his spare time. All that me and my colleagues can do is to count how many thousand years left before our retirement age..
By right, yah, by right, human life should be defined in few stages:
First stage is when you are born and young, everyone loves you, everyone take care of you. You spend time playing ,crying, and do whatever you want. School is play, play is school. Anyone who share the same interest, do the same activities, dress the same, or just being with there with me are friends. We cry when we sad, we laugh when we are happy; we play when we are bored. We kick tantrum when we are angry.
Then goes the stage of realization that life is either more beautiful or shitty. You start to change, physically, mentally, emotionally. Suddenly friends can stab back or become enemy, suddenly hormone kicks, the other gender is not just annoying dirty kids playing and mocking on you. Suddenly you discover feelings, more feelings, discover certain things you like to do more or less. Discover the idea of what you might want to be. By right, with enough support and motivation, you go through phase of learning to be a responsible adult, learning what is right and wrong, learning the complexity of human being.
Embark into adulthood, we have to become a person who provide and support us in earlier phase in our lives. Stand on our own feet, carry others and help them going through everyday lives just like how they help you as parents, probably carry offspring and protect them the way we were protected when we were young. Things are not the same. We discover more about passion, spirit, life motivations, the beauty, the ugly, and learn to be super strong, because we need all the energy. Things are getting ore complex than ever. Sometime we have to laugh when we are sad, sometimes we have to hide the deepest feeling, smile when we are angry, or cry when we are happy and be strong when you are dying inside. Some things are inexpressible and some things are unbearable. But there we are at the strongest point in our life, I can’t say It’s the most challenging because at every point in our life, everything seems challenging depends on where we are. But this phase of life is definitely the one with the most things to do, where you are detaching and attaching, where we learn the hardest effort to stand on our own.
And then next step is when we are in the old age. Saggy skin, deteriorated health, when we no longer have all the power to do anything that we want because our bodies take turn to command us. This is supposed to be the age while what we need to do is to enjoy and relax, harvest the fruit of hard works, having all the philosophy and precious life experiences. This is what is ideal, just like what my colleagues is doing now. He has bunch of friends, activities and purposes in life that await him.
But, how rare is ideal world, even in prosperous country like here. We see elderly on the street, collecting cardboard and aluminum cans to support their life. They barely can stand straight, and their knuckle is swollen and beaten from the joint pain. People at my age have yet endure the dramatic body discomfort, but from occasionally back and joint pains I can really tell how uncomfortable and agonizing it is to work hard in that condition.
A lot of these elderly bear sad stories. Many of them sacrifice their good life to provide for their children, but yet they are abandoned where they are no longer capable and when it’s time for the kids to take care of the parents. I just read one heartbreaking story few weeks ago. An elderly couple give their son the house as the present for his marriage, the house they have live in all their life. When the ownership changes, the son sold away the house and bought private property without accommodating the parents. They have to stay with their daughter only to find out one day that she changed all the locks in order to keep them away. Now they are homeless and living on the staircase somewhere.
Good parents are angel. How can it happen..?
I guess life will never be fair.
If there is one species that nobody can really count on, is human.
I’m just feeling happy that my friend is the lucky one. Survivor of heart attack and cancer, he is standing strong to enjoy the fruitation of his hard work.
Let’s hope each of everyone is that lucky!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
BACK OFF...!
For years, I have faced the annoying rhythm of relatives and friends who question me or whoever victims they can find about having kids or getting married. Yah, here we go again! I wonder too! I do appreciate those who come with genuine concerns, but for those who do it for the sake of conversation, hmm, tell you what,… it’s damn boring and annoying. There are thousands and one conversation starters, and if you don’t have one, keep quiet. Shut up. Hide. Get lost. Both parties will appreciate it. Okay, maybe I have complained about this way too much in my stories, because lately I have another attack, which made me kind of pissed in another level. I hardly have extreme attacks, while some of my friends who chose not to have kids yet have face accusation of being infertile. Some who are unmarried has been thought as gay, some who chose different way of making a living have been called nuts. Compare to my story, I think they had it worse although I rate mine very offensive as well. Imagine this; I attend a wedding of a good friend. Starting of as hubby’s good friend, so I didn’t know any of his family members, except very short introductory accidental meetings long long time ago. Wedding is not my favorite occasion, beside needing to dress up, I think, sorry, wedding is the place full of insincere exchange of talks because of ‘long time no see’ ‘Hey you’ type of conversations, although it’s a good place to meet long lost relatives or friends. I usually prepare for the ‘attack’ in my family’s wedding, although most people know that I would not hesitate to ignore anyone whom I deem fit to be ignored. Anyway, out of nowhere, I got the pressure of the whole family of the groom, pestering me to have babies soon in I’d say, in very very uncomfortable way. Let’s not go into details. What the – Who are -.. Who the – What right do you— Honestly, I was pissed to my core, I still am. I think I should just sit back and see that this is what society is and why this and similar things keep happening. What is up with getting married, have kids, get this job, that job, do this, do that, because it’s ‘right’? They might have done it, find it wonderful, living in beautiful castle and trying to spread the magic. I understand that. They have their point of view, fair enough. However, one thing they forget, I’m not them. They are not me. Just because what they perceived is right for them, just because ‘been there done that’ doesn’t make me have their eyes or wear their shoes. I don’t know how many times I have the temptation to be rude and question them seriously. Really. But then again, something would never change. I always avoid debating with people whom I think would not understand something different, once the earth is flat, is flat. No point wasting time and breath. It will frustrate me and hurt others, if my mood is right; I’m capable of saying the worst thing to anyone. And I have been working on it my whole life to prevent it from happening unnecessarily. So what I do I normally just brush it away, or just give freaking standard answer. I hardly chose the later because it seems like it works as the fuel to go on and on. If I can force them to sit and probably gag them not to speak, I want to ask How well do you know me? Do you know me? Know my name, my job, be my friends don’t necessary put anyone in position to say that they know me. Do you know exactly what I think about this/that thing you are talking about? Do you know my passions, my fears, my anticipations, my principles, the way I lead my life, my struggling, my temptations, my feelings, my heart, my mind, my brain, my aspirations, my way of looking at creating a human being, my way of looking at blooming flower, starving kids, animal on the street, wrinkles on faces? Why is it you need to know me that well? Because you are trying to shove the important part of life into my throat just like that! Now you regret making ‘small’ talk? How on earth you decide or suggest what is best for me based on something you pick from what is happening on daily basis and shove it to my face and being judgmental about it? I don’t shove my principles to you. I don’t care how you live your life. I wish you happiness, depends on how happiness means to you. I accept you for being different person or having different thinking. Don’t make rules, just because that’s what most people do, doesn’t make it rule. Don’t be judgmental, you don’t know what I face or what I think. I appreciate what you think is right. Now, can you appreciate my thought? Even if I don’t tell you? How hard it is not to put your hands and words inside people life, just for the sake of passing by, is it the impression you want me to remember you? If not, BACK OFF. . |
Monday, August 24, 2009
Good Saturday
Early morning on Saturday I went kite flying with my colleague. She was with me for about an hour, before she had to join her programmed weekly exercise on the same place, West Coast Park. I welcome invitations to spend my weekends outdoor, and I love to try new fun things.
I’ve never fly kite before. I remember during childhood, it was not my activity as well. I wanted to join my brother when he played with the neighbor, but we only had one lousy and I think borrowed kite, so I had to succumb to my gender.
Anyway, it was not easy to fly kite, especially the wind only came occasionally. In fact, I couldn’t let it up! Although as confidence recovery, my friend couldn’t fly up mine also, something was not right with the kite. To add into the technical problem faults, none of few person who played kite that day managed to get it up, except my friend. Her kite was flying; she passed it to me when she had to go.
Original plan was for me to take it down, went home or go shoe shopping, then met her up again with another friend for trekking in Bukit Timah around midday. But I decided to stay for awhile since the kite was flying happily and I enjoyed the place.
Well, it’s not a fantastic park; it’s the first time I went there because it’s not so convenient for those without private vehicle. The park is located at the coast, seaside but it’s not the horizon and beautiful sea we can see. It’s those ships and cargo from the distance. From the place I stood, which is a distance away, it looked better than Sembawang beach near my area.
While I don’t rate it high, it’s quite a nice place to compliment and as gateaway from the city. It has big patches of green grass field, playground, exercise machines to play, and paths for jogging. Families came with kids, singletons and duotones came with their dogs or for jogging. The majority of all are youngsters who came in big group to practice Frisbee and baseball. Yah, Frisbee! I didn’t know it’s a popular team sport. Although I was kind of squeezed in the center of all, I still had my patch and my peace.
I let the kite flying higher and higher until the end of the string. It’s quite steady at times, occasionally went havoc a bit, there was one time it shot back down very fast but then I managed to keep it up again. It was not windy on the ground, but on top, I swear I could almost see how happy the kite was, smiling, flying and fighting the wind with all its might. The string would disappear to the blue and made a curve to where the kite was. What can make it perfect? There should be a dog and a book to accompany me. Hubby has his own hobby; we share common interests but also give each other time to pursue our own. While his can be done in Singapore, I would have to rely on overseas trip. But I have the time alone to do other things myself or with friends.
Time flies, and suddenly my friend had already finished with her program. She was laughing at me and surprise that I was still there. Halfway through I decided to just spend my morning there, I would need to rely on my Croc to trek because I felt lazy going shopping or back home and went out again, the sissy shoe was actually not bad for trekking, as proven now and then. Although I really had to get one serious trekking shoes again for real destinations.
Indeed, there was not much time left. Leaving the park by bus, my other friend had already waited us up at the meeting point before proceeding to Bukit Timah. Three of us then climb up though the tarmac road before switching to the real tracks.
Bukit Timah track is considered easy. The vegetation is quite open and there are steps and boardwalk with very little natural tracks. The forest looks a bit dry, not misty with green patches and varieties like what we can find in others. I prefer natural track than man-made steps, but this is the closest we can get to trekking in Singapore, located at its highest peak.
Nevertheless, we spent two hours and it was a great exercise. Good Saturdays for me are spent outdoor, and I’m grateful I had my companions. : )
I’ve never fly kite before. I remember during childhood, it was not my activity as well. I wanted to join my brother when he played with the neighbor, but we only had one lousy and I think borrowed kite, so I had to succumb to my gender.
Anyway, it was not easy to fly kite, especially the wind only came occasionally. In fact, I couldn’t let it up! Although as confidence recovery, my friend couldn’t fly up mine also, something was not right with the kite. To add into the technical problem faults, none of few person who played kite that day managed to get it up, except my friend. Her kite was flying; she passed it to me when she had to go.
Original plan was for me to take it down, went home or go shoe shopping, then met her up again with another friend for trekking in Bukit Timah around midday. But I decided to stay for awhile since the kite was flying happily and I enjoyed the place.
Well, it’s not a fantastic park; it’s the first time I went there because it’s not so convenient for those without private vehicle. The park is located at the coast, seaside but it’s not the horizon and beautiful sea we can see. It’s those ships and cargo from the distance. From the place I stood, which is a distance away, it looked better than Sembawang beach near my area.
While I don’t rate it high, it’s quite a nice place to compliment and as gateaway from the city. It has big patches of green grass field, playground, exercise machines to play, and paths for jogging. Families came with kids, singletons and duotones came with their dogs or for jogging. The majority of all are youngsters who came in big group to practice Frisbee and baseball. Yah, Frisbee! I didn’t know it’s a popular team sport. Although I was kind of squeezed in the center of all, I still had my patch and my peace.
I let the kite flying higher and higher until the end of the string. It’s quite steady at times, occasionally went havoc a bit, there was one time it shot back down very fast but then I managed to keep it up again. It was not windy on the ground, but on top, I swear I could almost see how happy the kite was, smiling, flying and fighting the wind with all its might. The string would disappear to the blue and made a curve to where the kite was. What can make it perfect? There should be a dog and a book to accompany me. Hubby has his own hobby; we share common interests but also give each other time to pursue our own. While his can be done in Singapore, I would have to rely on overseas trip. But I have the time alone to do other things myself or with friends.
Time flies, and suddenly my friend had already finished with her program. She was laughing at me and surprise that I was still there. Halfway through I decided to just spend my morning there, I would need to rely on my Croc to trek because I felt lazy going shopping or back home and went out again, the sissy shoe was actually not bad for trekking, as proven now and then. Although I really had to get one serious trekking shoes again for real destinations.
Indeed, there was not much time left. Leaving the park by bus, my other friend had already waited us up at the meeting point before proceeding to Bukit Timah. Three of us then climb up though the tarmac road before switching to the real tracks.
Bukit Timah track is considered easy. The vegetation is quite open and there are steps and boardwalk with very little natural tracks. The forest looks a bit dry, not misty with green patches and varieties like what we can find in others. I prefer natural track than man-made steps, but this is the closest we can get to trekking in Singapore, located at its highest peak.
Nevertheless, we spent two hours and it was a great exercise. Good Saturdays for me are spent outdoor, and I’m grateful I had my companions. : )
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
UP.... in another meaning
Warning: Contain spoiler for ‘UP’ movie.
I never thought that this animation (that didn’t attract me at first) would be so inspiring.
Not the main story line, but it tells about something that is too late to be done.
The couple had long live dream they build since childhood, to visit a beautiful place called Paradise Fall. They dreamt to make it there or even to build a house there. Since they led simple life where it’s a struggle to make ends meet, they couldn’t really afford to go. A money bin as fund was set up and filled with spare money, titled Paradise Fall. Everyday, everytime, they would try to fill it up with whatever spare they have. However, life didn’t go smoothly, there were always obstacles and incidents that made them use the money for something else. Until they both grew older and older.
One day the husband opened his wife’s diary again. The diary she made for the adventures she was about to do and would do when she was a child. It was a diary that she showed him on the first day they met, with Paradise Fall on the first page, the obsession she shared with the husband, followed by empty pages for the other things she would do. The husband looked at the diary with mixed emotion, remembering the good time they shared, and crushed with heart broken when he saw how weak and old his wife was. He collected all his precious last wealth and went to buy tickets for their dream journey. However, the health of his wife deteriorated and soon she was bed-ridden. When she passed away, all her husband could think of was how they never made it, how they never made their dreams come true.
The whole sub story above was compacted into few minutes of silent animation, but it was very touching, I swear the whole theatre had never been that quiet, especially when it’s full of children. But it was. And I believe it was quietly well received because people can relate to it.
Just around one-two months ago, I made a “soft pact” to myself that I want to dig up my old hobbies.. I was never a person who regret the way I live my life, in fact, I’m happy with it and for everything I did and I’m not sure if I walked back, I would do it differently. However, there are some moments when I thought and wrote about the things I should have done when I was younger, coulda shoulda woulda.
Now, why should I look back and count things I should do? I can’t change the past, nobody could. What I should do is prevent my future me to look back at the time now and question what I don’t do this and that while I can.
As reality really is, obstacles are always around. I’ve done and seen how many people put back their dreams or doing what they want to do because of something else, money, time, family and fill the list of “ If I ….. , I would…… ” Sadly, most of the lists would never come true.
How many times we can have a chance to fix it? Like in Up, there is no such thing as blowing enough balloon to fly your house. I can imagine how nice it would be, although for me I might need all supply of travel sickness pills I can get without being arrested as drug dealer. Or in Bucket List, a movie starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, where they got chances to do what they wanted and never did in their lives before they met each other, in the brink of deaths.
It’s in the movie, it can be arranged, but not in ordinary lives that we are in, very unlikely I think.
I’ve seen this kind of regrets happening around. Just when attending funeral or someone passed away. It’s not rare to hear that “It’s such a pity for him/her to go so quickly. He planned to do this/that.. and now it’s too late.”
It’s real that we always have obstacles. As ordinary human being (not some filthy rich people ;p), our main problem is to live and survive, earn enough to spin the living wheel. We are tied with 7/12/14/21 days annual leave subject to approval and money subject to live expenses. There are always something more important to do, there is always something more ‘morally correct’ to do. Beside that, sometimes the obstacles come in something you can’t control.
When a friend of mine was diagnosed with Lupus, the scary incurable disease when instead of protecting, the body immune system attacks. He used to be a very sporty and active person, he was a commercial pilot and he was on top of his life. Look, career, financially well. He lost everything. He lost his license to fly, therefore his career and job, he has to rely on medication, he can’t do everything he likes to do, he can’t even exercise.
Another person got hypertension that cause him some rupture in blood vessel near the eye. As the result, he has to give up scuba diving and anything that can put pressure to the eye.
Or another friend I know who had injury on her spine and dismissed from doing anything more than light physical activities.
Imagine the scary life turner experience, or suddenly the options are no longer there. What we delay and put aside might never be retrieved back. Apparently tomorrow is not always there.
Living here, I’m sort of stuck in cold modern life when I had my lifestyle changes. From a very active outdoor person, I’m limited with the new life and work environment that sorts of confining me. Over the years, I picked up new hobbies like scuba diving, but the limitation of time and money is very significant to this sport, even if that is the only luxury item in my life. And there are oh so many things that can stop me from doing this one day. I’m glad that we are still going strong, along the way, we found other things to do in our dull weekend here and picked up photography, something rhyme with it. Photography kind of connects me back to scuba, outdoor and passion of traveling.
Traveling leads me to the past. I have just found friend here who shares the same passion of mountaineering. We did some trekking in a trip together and I realized how much I miss the world up there. Sea distracts and captives me, but I still have soft spot to go up and love the smell of the forest. Mountaineering is just the same with scuba-diving or other sports, it’s only can only be done when you are healthy, and mostly associated with being young.
We hatch plan to dig up mountaineering, for that was the past in both our lives. With great companion, it should be a great journey. I'd be very grateful if the plan can comes true. However, soft pact is kind of hatching into hard pact. Even if, unfortunately, I have to do it alone, I want to look back in the future and regret nothing. Cia yooooooo!!!!
Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.
- Hebbel
Never underestimate the power of passion.
- Eve Sawyer
.
I never thought that this animation (that didn’t attract me at first) would be so inspiring.
Not the main story line, but it tells about something that is too late to be done.
The couple had long live dream they build since childhood, to visit a beautiful place called Paradise Fall. They dreamt to make it there or even to build a house there. Since they led simple life where it’s a struggle to make ends meet, they couldn’t really afford to go. A money bin as fund was set up and filled with spare money, titled Paradise Fall. Everyday, everytime, they would try to fill it up with whatever spare they have. However, life didn’t go smoothly, there were always obstacles and incidents that made them use the money for something else. Until they both grew older and older.
One day the husband opened his wife’s diary again. The diary she made for the adventures she was about to do and would do when she was a child. It was a diary that she showed him on the first day they met, with Paradise Fall on the first page, the obsession she shared with the husband, followed by empty pages for the other things she would do. The husband looked at the diary with mixed emotion, remembering the good time they shared, and crushed with heart broken when he saw how weak and old his wife was. He collected all his precious last wealth and went to buy tickets for their dream journey. However, the health of his wife deteriorated and soon she was bed-ridden. When she passed away, all her husband could think of was how they never made it, how they never made their dreams come true.
The whole sub story above was compacted into few minutes of silent animation, but it was very touching, I swear the whole theatre had never been that quiet, especially when it’s full of children. But it was. And I believe it was quietly well received because people can relate to it.
Just around one-two months ago, I made a “soft pact” to myself that I want to dig up my old hobbies.. I was never a person who regret the way I live my life, in fact, I’m happy with it and for everything I did and I’m not sure if I walked back, I would do it differently. However, there are some moments when I thought and wrote about the things I should have done when I was younger, coulda shoulda woulda.
Now, why should I look back and count things I should do? I can’t change the past, nobody could. What I should do is prevent my future me to look back at the time now and question what I don’t do this and that while I can.
As reality really is, obstacles are always around. I’ve done and seen how many people put back their dreams or doing what they want to do because of something else, money, time, family and fill the list of “ If I ….. , I would…… ” Sadly, most of the lists would never come true.
How many times we can have a chance to fix it? Like in Up, there is no such thing as blowing enough balloon to fly your house. I can imagine how nice it would be, although for me I might need all supply of travel sickness pills I can get without being arrested as drug dealer. Or in Bucket List, a movie starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, where they got chances to do what they wanted and never did in their lives before they met each other, in the brink of deaths.
It’s in the movie, it can be arranged, but not in ordinary lives that we are in, very unlikely I think.
I’ve seen this kind of regrets happening around. Just when attending funeral or someone passed away. It’s not rare to hear that “It’s such a pity for him/her to go so quickly. He planned to do this/that.. and now it’s too late.”
It’s real that we always have obstacles. As ordinary human being (not some filthy rich people ;p), our main problem is to live and survive, earn enough to spin the living wheel. We are tied with 7/12/14/21 days annual leave subject to approval and money subject to live expenses. There are always something more important to do, there is always something more ‘morally correct’ to do. Beside that, sometimes the obstacles come in something you can’t control.
When a friend of mine was diagnosed with Lupus, the scary incurable disease when instead of protecting, the body immune system attacks. He used to be a very sporty and active person, he was a commercial pilot and he was on top of his life. Look, career, financially well. He lost everything. He lost his license to fly, therefore his career and job, he has to rely on medication, he can’t do everything he likes to do, he can’t even exercise.
Another person got hypertension that cause him some rupture in blood vessel near the eye. As the result, he has to give up scuba diving and anything that can put pressure to the eye.
Or another friend I know who had injury on her spine and dismissed from doing anything more than light physical activities.
Imagine the scary life turner experience, or suddenly the options are no longer there. What we delay and put aside might never be retrieved back. Apparently tomorrow is not always there.
Living here, I’m sort of stuck in cold modern life when I had my lifestyle changes. From a very active outdoor person, I’m limited with the new life and work environment that sorts of confining me. Over the years, I picked up new hobbies like scuba diving, but the limitation of time and money is very significant to this sport, even if that is the only luxury item in my life. And there are oh so many things that can stop me from doing this one day. I’m glad that we are still going strong, along the way, we found other things to do in our dull weekend here and picked up photography, something rhyme with it. Photography kind of connects me back to scuba, outdoor and passion of traveling.
Traveling leads me to the past. I have just found friend here who shares the same passion of mountaineering. We did some trekking in a trip together and I realized how much I miss the world up there. Sea distracts and captives me, but I still have soft spot to go up and love the smell of the forest. Mountaineering is just the same with scuba-diving or other sports, it’s only can only be done when you are healthy, and mostly associated with being young.
We hatch plan to dig up mountaineering, for that was the past in both our lives. With great companion, it should be a great journey. I'd be very grateful if the plan can comes true. However, soft pact is kind of hatching into hard pact. Even if, unfortunately, I have to do it alone, I want to look back in the future and regret nothing. Cia yooooooo!!!!
Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.
- Hebbel
Never underestimate the power of passion.
- Eve Sawyer
.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
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