Why we have changes in life? It’s true that changes sometimes come in good package, promotion, new friends etc etc. Good thing happens, so do bad ones.
The more I have to scroll to find my birth year when I register for something online, the more I respect older people. Those I saw on the street, who ties card box together and put it above their humpback, those who pose happily in the middle of their family picture, those Mom and Dad with children around them, those who cry in hospital corridor, who laugh holding their newborn, those who walk around telling stories about their life to anyone who has time to hear and those..those..
I think, shit, what they might have been going through. They have seen birth, death, accident, war, disease, sorrow, sadness, failure, pressure, poverty, insanity, they have meet nice people, arrogant, jerks, they have scars, they might have been waiting in anxiety for their children to come home safely, they might have attended countless funerals, they might have seen the glow of love in their children eyes, or being shun by them, they take care of them, watch them grow up, watch them go, some even lost them in war, violence, disease.
What can I have except respect for them to be able to survive all the heartaches… aren’t they are very strong, super human? I really think so.
While I’m here whining about weather and friends leaving company.
It’s so simple, everytime someone left, I’d feel sad. I’ll be okay after few days, but can’t help judging myself whether I’m made to survive the real harsher outside life.
Since I realize that human being could die, since I saw my grandpa passed away, everything has been traumatic. I afraid that I might treat my family badly, that I haven’t showed enough, do enough and tell enough, can’t help thinking that they are also fragile human being.
It drives me crazy.
Sars period in Singapore taught me something. We are that fragile, we are all statistic. Life is too damn unpredictable. Everybody was afraid and vulnerable. I prohibited my parents to attend my registry of marriage and asked them to stay away during that period. I didn’t want fifteen minutes registry risked their life. But when they insisted and showed up, I realized how cruel I was to even suggest the option, sars was the last thing they worried about rather than me not having them by my side during my new life. Sars might be only a little life factor to them along their years of life. They might vulnerable to it, but they wouldn’t let it spoilt their chance to do what they want, to do something important and nice. While for me, I was worried sick with the nasty killer. My mind was fixed with numbers on television, victims, risks. It made me forget to enjoy life at that moment but remind me in hard way to really enjoy life.
After that, I never really care about numbers I have in my bank passbook, I might not able to see it tomorrow, we never know. So if I want to skydive, I’ll skydive, if I want to dive, I’ll dive, if I want ride the mechanical bull, I’ll ride.
I might have courage to do it all, but I’m weak about the simplest thing one should master, I’m still gathering the gut to express my love and honesty to reply to those I have received especially unconditioned love from my parents.
One harsh reminder of my weakness:
If I don’t post this today, I might delete it tomorrow.
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Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
- R.D. Laing
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
- Bill Cosby
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
- Adrienne Gusoff.
Don't come to me when I cry.
Leave me and my tears will dry.
Come to me I'd feel relieved and loved,
but I'll cry more
because I'm sorry I make you sad too
- me
