If I had nightmare, normally it’s something similar. I can categorize them into few types.
1. The one with the public toilet.
In my dream I would need to pee real bad. There are always a lot of toilets. But the toilets are those built with basic materials, like cement screed or mosaic, the one used in olden days, and worse, the toilet either have no doors, no walls, have way too big windows or dirty. It would get me frustrated searching for the right one. And sometimes when I found it, there are another problem. For example, I would find one in the corner, it looks private but then I realize it doesn’t have wall on the back.
It would be my restless dream.
Maybe to connect it to my real life, I had experiences dealing with all kind of toilets before.
Stone toilet or wooden toilet, yeah, we still can find it in my hometown until now. So the ‘toilet bowl’ would be something endless you can’t see the bottom. The squatting parts are either made of two planks of wood or two blocks of stones.
Toilet built above the sea where fish are gathering below, it’s common in Thousand Islands. Went there few times for social work, lucky, they have normal toilet for us. I still can’t imagine how is it feels like looking at hungry fish below. Argh.
Toilet built with plastic sheets with half a meter high. I used that. Please notice my writing is trembling.
Toilet with no door. I can understand when I saw this kind in village chief’s house in Thousand Island. The only house with private toilet, yet no privacy. But I found it in an cottage in Malang, East Java. Holding a towel facing the door while trying to shower is one task too many. Door is good. Door is good!
Toilet with mess. This is so argh. It normally happen in the mountain posts. Before people went up to climd, or in natural holiday destination, sometimes there are toilets, with mess from previous users. Argh. I’m not proud to say I managed to hold it back. Back. Back. Back.
And here it comes. Natural toilet. No matter how I love nature, I still can’t do this one. So if we go for expedition and mountaineering in the jungle or mountain, one thing is confirm. No toilet. What we, eh, they do is using the big rusty knife, called golok or parang in Indonesia, they dig holes and do business and bury it back. That for big business. Small business can go just anywhere. What I do, I have a very big secret. Great one. I have to believe it and wonderfully it works. During the expedition, I will carry stone in my pocket. Solid stone. Small one will do. Some people tell me it will prevent you from feeling wanting to ‘do’. Ha.. longer expedition, I would carry bigger stone. Kekeke.
For small business, it’s quite easy, although we actually don’t do that often, because with activities, we perspired, even in very cold mountain.
So probably, I do have certain fear of toilets with lack privacy and basic comfort.
2. Being late. Out of time. A lot of things to prepare.
This one maybe self explanatory. I always afraid about last minute, being late and still have a lot of things to do.
When I was young, when we wanted to go picnic. I was late and the ribbon in my dress haven’t been tied yet. (Back then, we have ribbon around the waist tied on the back). My brother was making fun of me, saying they would leave me. And all of them had got in the car outside the road. My dad was tying the ribbon, but I was trying to get away and asked him to hurry because I didn’t want to be left out. W
eird, I remember the incident vividly. Kids are easily traumatized I suppose.
3. Scary fish.
Normally, there would be big water body. A pond or a tub of maybe river or lake, although hardly, sometimes sea shores. The similarity, the water would be grayish or brownish. Mucky and not clear. And there would be fish inside. Big fish, all ugly type, grey color, ridiculously big in big number, or small but in bigger number. They would crowd the water and sometimes they jump or exposed because there is not enough space or they can ‘reach’ me. And the fish would be smelly. Fishy. Some would flipping on the floor dying. Yuck.
I hate it when I dream like that. I still terrified if I look at aquarium that is not properly maintained or sad horrible fish tank in restaurant or supermarket.
Maybe it have something to do with my past too. We used to have a lot of fish in the home, or sometimes my crazy cousin put fish in the tub. Once, a one and a half meter Arwana the dragon fish, jumped out and flipped like mad. The other time, he put a lot of small fish, and when the water was full enough, the fish jumped out and flipped on the floor. Freakish. Hiy.
But my latest dream of scary fish few days ago had some improvement. Maybe because it was not the same. It was in the sea shore, brownish water. I was preparing to dive in it, but hesitated. When I put my head to peek inside the water, I see.. what to call it in English? Mas koki, the fat fish with big popping eyes and nice tail. Normally they are aquarium size but these ones are one two meter size. At least it was not so terrifying, because the number are not too much in my dream and they were swimming happily.
Those are three type of nightmares that I subscribe to. Whenever I had those dreams, I know that Here it comes again. But I panic in the dream and had restless sleep. Dodol.
But last night I had another horrible dream. I dream every night, everytime I fall asleep, so I always dream and normally I will remember. Sometimes it affects me for a while.
I dreamt I was in a nice place and sitting on the beach with my friends and my husband, looking at the nice sky and sunset. Then all of the sudden a very very high wave came to us. The water was dark brown. Everyone was shouting Tsunami..! Some ran, some stunned. We managed to go to the second storey but that was it. The highest point. Higher but far far away, was a rocky mountain. Which I still managed to think that, if only I was as fit as I used to be. Cape.
Horrible dream.
A thing is not necessarily false because it is badly expressed, nor true because it is expressed manificently.
- St Augustine of Hippo, North Africa
Agenda for today: breathe out, breath in, breathe out.
- The Buddha, India
It is within our power not to make a judgement about something, and so not disturb our mind; for nothing in itself posseses the power to form our judgements.
- Marcus Aurellius, Rome
