I always heard stories from my mother and my grandma about how difficult it was to be women back then, the other sources were from the movies and novels.
One of the example are the novels written by Amy Tan, a Chinese American, she wrote a lot of book telling lives of traditional Chinese women, how they had to pass through all the sexist treatments. Also from my mom’s favorite author, whose almost all of her book had been made into serial movies, there were a lot of stories with similar theme.
Some of the traditional cliché unfair treatments were arranged marriage, social status of women, sexist birth preference, from major until the small and minor things. Women were almost always in unfavorable position from society; even from their own husband who considered has all the right of their life and well-being.
The generation before mine, my mother and my grandmother, they still had many stories to share. My grandfather used to witness people ‘taking care’ of unwanted newborn daughters. As most Chinese family preferred to have sons and condemned if they didn’t, in their poor time daughters were only burden and sometimes shame to the family. So they would bring the newborn to the jungle or to river and gagged them to death using sand or some other ways, or just left them to flow with the river.
My grandmother was married at the age of sixteen; she hadn’t even gotten her period when she delivered her first child.
Even for my mom, my uncle himself called her old maid when she was still unmarried at 21. She married at 22, and even though it was the modern time, she said it was a big relief to deliver he first child, a boy. For the tradition held tight by my grandmother, daughter was the one who usually had to do all the chores and housework and at the same time still had to help out with family business. As the result, my uncles’ daily activities were only studying and playing, while my mom handled everything from cooking, washing, tending the shop, sewing clothes and studying. But she was always had the first ranking in school. Even that, my grandfather considered that she had too much education as a female and didn’t allow her to go to school at one time.
Lucky from my generations, education is the most important thing they want us to pursue. Although sometimes my mom would worry about my personal life, for my dad, I should put education first above all.
I remember when I was a kid; I had this teacher who liked to make student’s life miserable by asking us to bring a lot of funny stuff to school. One of the assignment, we had to grow corn. So I buried a corn seed to grow a corn tree, right?
Apparently I didn’t and (don’t) have the talent to grow anything. My corn didn’t make it and I went to school with the pot to show the teacher that eventhough I didn’t have the corn tree, I tried. More than half of class had the same result with me, but the bad thing was, where she asked me to show the corn seed I dig up something else and mistakenly showed her a small orange rock. Maybe she was having a fight with her husband or had PMS attack or had something *** up her ***, she went furious and violent. She called me, a kid, didn’t know what the hell that I did wrong, a liar who tried to con her, accused me of avoiding my homework, liar liar liar. Her voices rose from normal to Pavarotti versus hyena. For me, being scolded was one thing I can’t tolerate at whatever condition, I think it’s rude and nobody deserves that except in boot camp or army training, additionally, I was accused something I didn’t do, and she called me LIAR, which it very hurtful. I was so angry that I remember vividly the sequence of incident until today.
There was a knight in shinning armor, a guy I remember until now because he stood up to me in the way not many people would, gave his testimony and defended my defense. But the teacher went even more berserk, and worse still, she accused him of lying also. I mean, which type of teacher could do that to children? She might not be one, but I remember my primary school time, almost all kids were well taught to view honesty as something really precious, and I can’t imagine that anyone could go the length of lying of get away from assignment that time, in brain of eleven years old kids. Even the thought of not being able to finish an assignment was unbearable, that’s the pressure that teachers and parents put on us. And now, she stood there, pushing every obvious reasons aside, and calling two shaking kids as liars.
From feeling helpless to angry, I couldn’t control myself but cried, especially when someone I didn’t know took the effort to defend me and got the same treatment. And I almost never cried as a kid, yeah now, I’m older and sensitivity took over me, but I didn’t cry many times back then, even when the hot water flask I carried exploded and my two feet were covered by blister because of hot water pouring onto it, I still walked a distance and didn’t feel the need to shed a tear.
So, the experience destroyed my confidence and beliefs in school and teacher, so I went home and declared to my Dad that I didn’t want to go to school ever again, at my mind, school was the only and main cause of problem, I thought he would think it’s a good idea too. He was very shock but he managed to talk me out. Even until I was in the Uni he kept reminding me that school is very important for the future. So he is the opposite of my granddad and I know how grateful I am.
For my mom, she still adapted some traditional but acceptable thinking at times, like that I should get married, have babies before thirty. She also insisted that I turned on my bedside lamps for three days in the row after I got married, the tradition that is still adopted by many families.
Small things, more ridiculous tradition that she has also eliminated now was like she used to forbid me to sleep on the top bunk of two-tier bed, because girls shouldn’t step over thing.
The reason that I got the idea to write about this topic is the India movie called Water. Even modern time like this, there are still so many people who don’t agree with the making of this movie to disclose something so bitter in the past.
Water is a movie about a child, who got married and became a widow at eight years old, it basically destroys her young life. The society didn’t accept widows, and they had to live isolated among their own for the rest of their life. The movie tells about the sadness and bitterness of their life, some come as very shocking to me. The movie also features a eunuch, although there is not much story about them. They are also one of the society rejected groups, I watched a documentary not long ago, in some term, they are like woman trapped in man’s body, but it’s forbidden for them to do change their sex. So they become eunuch and treated differently, they are considered as possessing supernatural power, as they are too considered as having double gender as man and woman.
Back to the movie, although it’s not my favorite, the disclosure of the theme is daring and impressive.
So, for women living in this modern time, it’s a privilege for us to do things we do now. Sometimes maybe, it’s overdone.
Like one comment of man I know, Woman. They always say, treat me equally, because although I’m a woman, I can do everything a man do, give us equal right and opportunity.
But at the right time, they also use their gender to avoid being treated equally on their advantages. Let me have the taxi, ladies first. Man should carry the bags for us, because we are weaker and not as strong as man.
Somehow, they always win.
Kekekeke :)
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Woman do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men; but they often find it extremely difficult to behave like a gentleman.
- Sir Campton McKenzie
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Timothy Leary
